tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-990255013707327852024-02-19T02:34:37.323-06:0021 Love Tags and Countingwhat I'm learning and loving about parenting...and other stuffValeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-53800983501576496352015-11-25T21:26:00.002-06:002015-11-27T23:17:51.384-06:00Love letter to our littleCallen is 18 months! Man, I love this age!<br />
<br />
This past Sunday, we formally dedicated Callen to the Lord. Of course, we'd done so many time in our personal thoughts and prayers as we sought guidance and asked for blessings for him. But Sunday our church community joined us in committing to do our best to show him Jesus, to give him unconditional love and to entrust him into God's hands day after day.<br />
<br />
For a bit of background, in our church we treat dedication as more of a commitment on the part of the parents and church family to love and guide the child in the way of the Lord, rather than as a guarantee of the child's right-standing with God. We believe when the child is older, they still must choose for themselves whether to follow the Lord.<br />
<br />
Our church invites parents to write a letter to their child expressing how the child is a gift and how they hope to guide the child. Our letter is as imperfect as we are parents, but also as full of love. Here is it (with some parenthetical notes).<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Callen,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are our pumpkin bear, our chicken wiggle, our little
man. (Josh asked that I read that first line. It might have, maybe, possibly had something to do with the fact that I critiqued his pronunciation of "pumpkin" during the letter composition: "Honey, it's more like punkin..." Knowing I would never make it through the whole thing without crying, I let him take it after that.) We are crazy about how God knit you together, though we know we will spend
a lifetime getting to know all the wonders he has put inside you. We love your
big hugs and little pats on the shoulder. You make us laugh with your silly
ways, and we love watching you as you learn how to do it on purpose. You take
joy in the small things and help us see light on dark days. And the way you and
Gavin play is just awe-inspiring.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are so, so grateful that God has chosen to make us your
parents. <i>Woohoo!</i> (Somehow, the woohoo was not read aloud...hmmm...) We for sure hit the
jackpot with you and Gavin. And we are so humbled. You and your brother make us
want to be our best selves, and though we are frail, we know that the Lord is
faithful to do more than we ask or seek as we continue to rely on Him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today we, with our family and our church community, pause in
this sacred space and commit to do all we can to help you know and take stock
in the love of a God who spared nothing, not even His own Son, to make a way
for you to be His forever. How we hope that at each step, you say “yes” to what
God has for you. Yes to grace, yes to joy, yes to love, yes to the adventure of
faith. How we pray that the clumsy, imperfect way we walk this walk somehow still
helps you see life with Jesus as the truest north, the greatest reality and
worth anything you have to give up to pursue it whole-heartedly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We pray that as you get to know your creator and as you live
in community with your church family, you are inspired: (I added a few lines below after we read the letter in church because I kept struggling with how to say what I wanted to say until I was cutting up pineapple in a quiet house the next day. Doesn't that happen to everyone?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To be kind – taking the time to make the world a better
place in simple ways<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To wonder – taking in the countless ways God weaves beauty
into our lives<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To be compassionate – seeing others as God does and acting
out of a loving heart<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To join God in his ongoing rescue of the oppressed – shining
light in dark places<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To keep your heart open – listening to others, giving help
and being ready to receive help<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Callen, you are already such a valued member of our
community. We take joy in knowing that God will continue to use <i>you</i> to teach <i>us</i>. We look forward to learning from what we hope you are bold
enough to share, and brave enough to ask. We pray that you and your brother love
and lead, being always ready to humbly point people to Jesus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we share a few of the hopes and dreams we have for you
today, we want you to know that we will love you no matter what you do. We hope
you will always see our love as a safe place to come home to, and yet the love
we have for you cannot compare to the love God has for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are a treasure. We love you, son. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
Love,<br />
Daddy and MommyValeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-66302115902397357682015-07-30T22:14:00.000-05:002015-11-25T15:05:15.954-06:00What Callen is doing at 14.5 monthsI wrote a handful of these "what he is doing" posts for my first son, and in typical second-child fashion, I've done none for my second. Nor are there any pictures of him hanging on the wall. No photo books. His baby book is empty. Sigh.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
But, our lives are full of joy, full of all kinds of chores and tasks, full of adventure, full of giggles and snickers and belly laughs -- full. And that's good. And here are some of the things that are filling us up lately.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Just today:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>He was saying "du-du" for duck and making a Donald-Duck-type quacking sound (that he surely learned from daddy).</li>
<li>He was making a kissing sound! He's already blown kisses and given kisses, but today he just made the sound when we were talking about kisses and then later when we were tucking Gavin in for his nap. (Awww.)</li>
<li>He signed "milk!" (He's already doing "all done" and "more.")</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also recently, he's started saying his version of "blehck" when I say something is yucky (and just today, he did it when I said something was "not for babies" -- precious! And when he wants picked up, he holds his arms straight up and stiff now instead of relaxed like he used to and looks at us like, "I'm cute. I know this is cute!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Last week, he started making the chomping sound when he eats something, or pretends to eat something, or when I find a scrap of paper on the floor and pick it up before he can grab it and put it in his mouth.<br />
<br />
And when he finishes a sip of his drink, he sometimes says, "Ahh." Which he learned from his grandma. Ha ha!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Other sounds he makes: the vroom of a car or plane, the toot of a train and animal sounds for elephant, cat, dog, cow, horse.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
His words are (in order of appearance):</div>
<div>
da-da (just before 11 months)</div>
<div>
ma-ma (used sparingly, usually when he's mad, just like Gavin did)</div>
<div>
na-na: can mean any food, but usually banana, orange (because in Spanish it is naranja); he uses it more when he's eating something he loves</div>
<div>
tap</div>
<div>
ba (can conveniently mean button, berries, ball, box, or any number of things) </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He loves to dance, even to something as simple as his brother's beat boxing and guitar sounds. He loves to clap, and if he doesn't have two hands free when he wants to clap, he'll pat his chest. He claps after songs, when he hears others clapping or when I tell him "good job." Be still my heart.</div>
<div>
<br />
He loves toys! For as long as I can remember, he has loved them. Such a change from Gavin, who only loved playing outside or playing with me until he was about 3. Callen especially loves nesting cups, stacking, putting lids on containers and stirring with a spoon and bowl, but he will imitate almost any action with a toy the first time he sees it (if developmentally able). This should come in "handy" when his brother employs him as an accomplice for all his impish ideas...which I'm sure will happen way sooner than I think. Like tomorrow.<br />
<br />
And finally, Callen's love tags: those sweet names that don't always make sense but are inspired by pure baby cuteness and flow out of my mouth when I'm all caught up in it. As you'll see below, the love tags have tended to revolve around anything having to do with pumpkins and bears. (I don't know why.)<br />
<br />
Pumpkin<br />
Bear<br />
Pumpkin Bear<br />
Sweet Bear<br />
Pumpkin Butter<br />
Pumpkin Muffin<br />
Wiggle Worm<br />
Chicken Wiggle (because of the Slugs and Bugs songs that is just so perfect)<br />
Cuddle Bear<br />
Huggie Bear<br />
Snuggle Bear<br />
Snuggle Pop<br />
Snuggle Pocket<br />
<br />
And if you think some of those are weird, you should check out <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/p/about-love-tags.html" target="_blank">Gavin's baby/toddler love tag list</a>. It was way weirder.</div>
Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-67268491198685034232014-08-17T22:24:00.001-05:002014-08-17T22:36:57.148-05:00Too much of a good thingWell, here I am...on the other side of the birth of our second child. It's been about two months (when I started writing this and three months at the time of its publication...I've been busy), and because of some things we've experienced, I feel compelled to make this post since about nursing. It all comes back to feeding with this blog. It was my <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2012/01/oh-places-ive-pumped-and-other-nursing.html" target="_blank">nursing experience</a> with my first son that motivated me to start this blog to begin with and then to ask my friends to <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-first-sort-of-guest-bloggers-talk.html" target="_blank">share their stories</a>.<br />
<br />
But this wasn't the first blog I<i> planned </i>to write after baby's arrival. There were several others floating around in my head:<br />
<br />
Like the one about my first outing with the boys by myself...where I went to put them in my car only to find a spiderweb going from the garage ceiling to my car door. Yeah, it may have been a while since I had left the house.<br />
<br />
Or the list of hilarious (sometimes impish) things our three-and-a-half year old is doing and saying.<br />
<br />
Or my candid take on my first six weeks and how hard it was to just enjoy baby what with all the healing, nursing, preschooler-entertaining, baby-cry-interpretting, spit-up-wiping and midnight-waking (and 2am-waking and 4am-waking) I was doing. And how nothing gave me more joy and hope and relief and perspective than hearing my husband coo with or talk to or even sarcastically joke with our new little one. His demonstration of patience and joy during such a difficult time (albeit a precious time) was a lifeline for me.<br />
<br />
But I don't have time to write four posts. Truth be told, I should be paying bills right now or five or ten other things. I mean every moment that my children are not making an <i>immediate </i>demand is a moment I still must choose between cleaning myself, nourishing myself, cleaning the children, cleaning the house, reading up on the latest newborn or preschooler problem we are facing, or -- in a moment of indulgence -- texting other mom friends to solicit or offer support. And only one can win at a time. And notice how blogging (among many other things) is not on the list.<br />
<br />
And yet I feel compelled to get this out there.<br />
<br />
Both of our sons have dealt with infant reflux -- what doctors tell me are moderate cases. Gavin -- though always a spitter -- wasn't bothered by his until he was six months old (at the exact time when Josh went to London for a mandatory 12-day trip with his PhD cohort -- yikes!) None of the meds worked for him, so (with our doctor's blessing) we tried a kids version of the digestive enzymes that helped my reflux, and they worked wonders. I'm going to come back to this, but this post is really about Callen.<br />
<br />
Sweet Callen was bothered by his reflux from about week 2. We did all the positioning techniques, I cut out dairy and caffeine (including chocolate -- kill me), and we reluctantly started him on Zantac. All of this did help a little, but it was still very bothersome to him and also interrupting his sleep (double kill me).<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQIwzEQc2St7h22_2v59imjk5So-aRmaNbqosh-wC5WKlssOLyZW4yf1XWHPZ5UdCynpL_7ZUzPkUhNoxHFQl6TimcA0KSr0QVrJG5JVgoXblahNUA84ct7W_jLa_OLVwNVeXQ-nfFRsE/s1600/DSCN6585a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQIwzEQc2St7h22_2v59imjk5So-aRmaNbqosh-wC5WKlssOLyZW4yf1XWHPZ5UdCynpL_7ZUzPkUhNoxHFQl6TimcA0KSr0QVrJG5JVgoXblahNUA84ct7W_jLa_OLVwNVeXQ-nfFRsE/s1600/DSCN6585a.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spit up is a serious affair around our house. In the interest of clothing preservation, we retired our burp cloths and chose instead to drape ourselves in receiving blankets.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I wanted to try him on enzymes since they worked for Gavin, but my doctor wanted me to wait until he was two months before I tried them. So I'm counting down the days until he turns two months. Meanwhile, I am a constantly-hungry nursing mother getting sick of her dairy-free snack options. I mean I normally don't eat a ton of dairy anyway but especially when you're sleep-deprived you should at least get to indulge in some mac-n-cheese or some pizza or something! Okay, where was I... Three days before Callen turned two months, I happened upon a message board where moms were talking about dairy-free snacks. Unfortunately there were no good ideas to be had, but one mom commented that she went off dairy for a while but discovered that her problem was really a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance. I had heard of foremilk and hindmilk and knew you were supposed to let the baby empty each side to get to the fattier hindmilk, but I'd never heard of an imbalance. So of course, I did the scientific thing and googled it. (Sidebar: Right now there is a red squiggly line under "googled." You would think Google would relish their name becoming a verb and add it into their [Blogger's] spell check dictionary...)<br />
<br />
Well, Google did not let me down. I found <a href="http://www.llli.org/faq/oversupply.html" target="_blank">this article</a> from La Leche League International. <a href="http://www.llli.org/faq/oversupply.html" target="_blank"></a> It talks about how an oversupply of milk can mean the baby is not getting to the hindmilk, especially if the mom switches sides as a rule or for her comfort. Hindmilk is important for development, but also digestion. Just like in cow's milk, the thinner foremilk has more lactose. If the baby is getting too much foremilk, his or her system is being flooded with more lactose than it can handle. According to the article, symptoms include:<br />
<ul>
<li>Baby cries a lot, and is often very irritable and/or restless</li>
<li>Baby may sometimes gulp, choke, sputter, or cough during feedings at breast</li>
<li>Baby may seem to bite or clamp down on the nipple while feeding</li>
<li>Milk sprays when baby comes off, especially at the beginning of a feeding</li>
<li>Mother may have sore nipples</li>
<li>Baby may arch and hold himself very stiffly, sometimes screaming</li>
<li>Feedings often seem like battles, with baby nursing fitfully on and off</li>
<li>Feedings may be short, lasting only 5 or 10 minutes total</li>
<li>Baby may seem to have a "love-hate" relationship with the breast</li>
<li>Baby may burp or pass gas frequently between feedings, tending to spit up a lot</li>
<li>Baby may have green, watery or foamy, explosive stools</li>
<li>Mother's breasts feel very full most of the time</li>
<li>Mother may have frequent plugged ducts, which can sometimes lead to mastitis (breast infection)</li>
</ul>
We had all of the symptoms. So I decided to try to reduce my supply through the block nursing method suggested in the article. Please look at the article for a better description, but basically block nursing is staying on one side for a block of time -- for me it was for an entire nursing session -- then switching to the other side. Since he was on a 3- to 3.5-hour schedule, I was going 6-7 hours before switching sides. Pretty uncomfortable at first (the article has tips for avoiding plugged ducts and mine are at the end of <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2012/01/oh-places-ive-pumped-and-other-nursing.html" target="_blank">this post</a>), but I noticed a difference in Callen the very first day.<br />
<br />
It is important to note that you should not restrict nursing, which for schedulers like me is a little nerve wracking. If the baby is hungry again, let him or her nurse, but on the same side. When it's time for the next feeding, then you switch sides. You also want to make sure the baby is gaining weight at the proper rate. Of course, (disclaimer, disclaimer) nothing on this blog should be taken as medical advice. Only you can decide if this is right for you. Breastfeeding is a wonderful gift to your child, and the last thing I would want is for someone to reduce their supply too much.<br />
<br />
Our experience was a very good one. Sometimes I felt my milk supply dipping too low. I would either let him nurse on that one side until I let down again (and sometimes a third time) or go ahead and let him nurse on both sides for a couple feedings (2 or 3) and then go back to block nursing.<br />
<br />
One question that didn't seem to be answered in any of the articles I was reading was "How long do I do block nursing?" When I googled it, I found a message board where a mom asked that same question (caution new moms - I know I've referenced them twice, but most message boards are scary places to find answers). I guess I'm not the only one who had a hard time finding the answer to the "how long" question because the first three responses were moms saying, "Yeah, I was wondering that same thing." One mom quoted a lactation consultant who said:<br />
<br />
"If she hasn't gotten to the bottom of the barrel - if that side isn't
nice and soft when she finishes - use it again next time. Here's where
your intuition comes in. You may find that sticking to one side for a
couple hours is all it takes. And after your supply has settled down to
match her needs and things are running smoothly, you'll largely forget
this notion... although you often see nursing mothers hefting one side
and then the other to decide which they want to use. If your
"oversupply" has been dramatic, or your baby is really fussy, you may
find you need to spend 4 to 6 hours on one side before using the other.
What's happening to the other side in the meantime? The sense of
over-fullness is sending a message to cut back on production, which is
what you want. If you're too overfull, you can nurse or express on that
side just enough to relieve it somewhat, then go back to the side
you're trying to soften completely. These sound like rules, but they're actually just temporary rules
to help you get past those two initial rules that probably started the
problem - making a point of switching sides, and spacing nursings to two
hours or more.
As your supply settles down, you may worry that you've "lost your
milk." You may be so accustomed to heavy breasts dripping and spraying,
and to seeing your child splutter, that a quiet, calm nursing from soft
breasts feels "wrong." But you'll probably notice that those diapers
are still very wet, and that your child nurses contentedly, with a
relaxed and comfortable body, letting go gently when she's full or
dozing peacefully at breast. Those are all signs of an ample - but not
overfull - milk supply. If she wants to increase your supply further,
all she has to do is ask to nurse more often, or fuss to go to Side Two
after Side One is completely soft. Trust her to know her own needs, and
trust your body to respond appropriately. Cutting down on an oversupply is usually a simple, straightforward
process, and you should begin to see a happier baby within a few days."<br />
<br />
And we did see a happier baby! What a relief! He still spits up (which is common even in healthy babies), but he does seem so much happier and has more normal diapers and less diaper rash. Now that my supply has balanced out, I am more comfortable, too. I am so thankful God blessed us with that solution!<br />
<br />
So back to Gavin: I'll never know for sure, but I imagine that his reflux was related to the same problem. It explains why digestive enzymes helped him so much--because they were dealing with that excess lactose. I certainly had never heard of foremilk/hindmilk imbalance or block nursing -- not from MD's, naturopathic doctors, lactation consultants, baby books or friends/family. Of all the people I've talked to so far, only two have. (If you want another article on the topic in addition to the one I linked to above, <a href="http://www.llli.org/faq/foremilk.html" target="_blank">click here</a>.)<br />
<br />
So I toss this out into cyberspace, hoping someone who needs it finds it. As always, please feel free to share it if you think it may help a mom you know. Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-82824951984486820872014-05-06T21:20:00.001-05:002014-05-06T21:26:18.013-05:00Just say it (like I could stop you)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJaYxgn8KF-MTq8tJt2GEF8VgbvURSWKjDpeyiZpBLyqvekFnpJu1pDVA0Scwo2OBu0ZXh-xJUYAnt_THs7i_xLfz-o0Y6IeMWblDI0_9a1rwk661Yu0aKvIU-EdscC9L05JGbJIKkFQE/s1600/DSCN5895blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJaYxgn8KF-MTq8tJt2GEF8VgbvURSWKjDpeyiZpBLyqvekFnpJu1pDVA0Scwo2OBu0ZXh-xJUYAnt_THs7i_xLfz-o0Y6IeMWblDI0_9a1rwk661Yu0aKvIU-EdscC9L05JGbJIKkFQE/s1600/DSCN5895blog.jpg" height="200" width="132" /></a>Pregnancy opens up all kinds of different conversations, particularly with strangers. Or should I say, when you're pregnant, strangers feel free to open up all kinds of different conversations with you. It's like the more room your belly takes up, the more people feel free (or in some cases compelled) to discuss it with you. Even your friends' and family members' normally-halfway-decent verbal filters get a little looser.<br />
<br />
I can't remember being the least bit phased by comments about my belly during my first pregnancy, but in your second pregnancy, you just start showing so much faster and apparently in my case, so much <i>more</i>. So the comments have come earlier with almost everyone assuming I'm further along than I am. I'm not really bothered by it. I'm not bitter. But I'm also not feeling the need to keep these comments to myself. So in the same spirit of walking up to someone and saying whatever comes to mind, I am feeling free (compelled) to share with you some of the gems I've heard lately.<br />
<br />
Of course, there are the <i>numerous </i>you-look-like-you're-just-about-to-pop's, and there are the strangers in the neighborhood calling across the street to me that it must be getting close (when I had 3+ months to go). Then there are the people at the coffee shop or the park who want to guess how far along I am and the gender and explain all the reasons that my profile led them to guess what they did (however incorrectly). But here are the stand-out comments of the past several months.<br />
<br />
Guy friend: "Your belly just looks so much bigger today." <br />
"Well, usually I don't wear a baggy shirt like this," I say, pulling the shirt closer to my belly. <br />
Guy friend: "Well, now it looks like a torpedo."<br />
<br />
A woman I adore: "Wow, it looks like a salami."<br />
<br />
Different guy friend (at 33 weeks): "So, they think your belly is going to just keep on growing?"<br />
<br />
<br />
Then this weekend, a stranger at the local coffee place asked how far along I was. When I said I only had a few weeks to go, she acted surprised at the short time I had remaining, and I was like, "You're awesome," since most people assume I'm <i>at least </i>that far along, if not overdue. Then she said, "So just one baby?" and I was like, "You're not awesome."<br />
<br />
Yes, just one baby. No, I'm not having twins. Did I mention you're not awesome?<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. Though I wasn't prepared for all these comments, I am repeating them all here in fun, and I'm keeping in mind that they are balanced by others. Most of my girlfriends kindly insist that my belly is the only part of me that looks pregnant, and whether true or not, I'm hanging on to that. Plus, when you're pregnant, people smile at you for no reason. And though I don't really like attracting attention, I'm trying to soak that up because in a few weeks, I'll no longer be a sweet anonymous pregnant person reminding them of the beautiful part of the circle of life. I'll be the mom of two attracting glares instead of smiles as I accidentally block the door to Starbucks while struggling with the infant stroller and trying to convince my preschooler to keep moving in the same direction for more than a few steps at a time.<br />
<br />
So though I'm nearing the end and pretty uncomfortable and though I'm now more likely to have a potty accident than my three-year-old and only slightly less likely to burst into tears from being overtired, I'm raising my glass (of ginger ale) to pregnancy and all of its craziness. See you on the other side!Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-59729604008817167652014-03-30T15:34:00.000-05:002014-03-30T15:34:05.582-05:00Weird things we're doing nowWhen you haven't published a blog since November, you should choose some really good material with which to reenter blogdom. Something profound. Something sweet. Something earth-shattering.<br />
<br />
Or, if you are a perfectionist that is super busy and stealing a few moments during naptime that really should be spent doing something else, you should reenter with simply: Something.<br />
<br />
So as Baby #2 will be here in less than 2 months and Baby #1 is no longer a baby (3 years old!), and as my husband tries to wrap up his dissertation while both of us are way too busy with work, our lives are looking strange but beautiful. For us, preparing for our second boy is a lot less about getting "baby stuff" and a lot more about squeezing every inch of storage out of our house and helping our 3-year-old reach milestones before his life gets turned upside down by a brother (big boy bed and potty training).<br />
<br />
A friend of mine always says of her family, "We don't value normal!" They do what works for them and don't get hung up on too many social constricts. My little family, however, is made up of a husband/dad who is a firstborn, a wife/mom who is a firstborn and an only son, who will officially be a firstborn in May. Can you say structured? We value normal. We value sane. We can't help it.<br />
<br />
And yet, we are doing things now that our pre-parenting selves would definitely consider not normal, while our post-parenting selves just don't care. Sometimes it's about choosing your battles and survival.<br />
<br />
<b>Letting our son go pant-less at home: </b>Okay, not so weird if you realize he's potty-training. It's pretty effective as he gets used to this new phase of life. But we were at a party last night and our friend (with whom we were sharing a sitter) tells my husband, "The babysitter just called, and Gavin wants to know if he can take off his pants." Oy vay!<br />
<br />
<b>Sleeping with a box of Kleenex between us: </b>My husband and I are very close, and yet I have let something come between us in bed -- yep, Kleenexes. Apparently, during pregnancy your sinuses can react like the rest of your body: swelling and making your waking and sleeping hours much more treacherous. (I did not experience this with the first pregnancy.) So there they are: a rigid box of tissues in the middle of our cozy bed.<br />
<br />
I can't put them on a table or on my side of the bed: I may have to move to reach them (a no-go when I'm already getting up at least once or twice to pee) or they may fall on the floor (enter weeping and gnashing of teeth). No. They are precious. And wedged between my beloved and me is where they'll stay until I can once again take breathing at night for granted. <br />
<br />
<b>Letting our son eat cereal and milk with his fingers: </b>This is squarely in the category of choosing your battles, and yet, it's still so weird to me. He knows how to use a spoon, and I keep telling myself that someday soon he'll realize that eating sticky, soupy cereal with a spoon is way better, but I'm not really convinced. I suppose social pressure will take care of that for me.<br />
<br />
The other weird thing we do with cereal is we let him mix all different kinds together. I actually started this with him when he was a baby, not realizing that it would become a thing. I would mix different cereals with Cheerios to make the whole bowl less sugary overall. Now, his morning meal is like those suicide drinks we used to make as kids, when we'd put all the flavors of fountain drinks into one cup. Yeah, that's where we are right now. But you know, my little sister eventually stopped putting ketchup on her green beans and mashed potatoes, and I can only hope Gavin will someday not mix fruity cereal with cinnamon cereal with maple cereal...and then shovel it in with his paws.<br />
<br />
<br />
Well, nap time is over, so I guess I'll have to publish this before writing that witty, profound conclusion that is sure to have you coming back for more. And since no such conclusion currently exists in my head, I call this "saved by the bell."Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-12929262720303233532013-11-01T20:39:00.000-05:002013-11-01T20:39:22.783-05:00Tweets you were saved from...until nowIf you follow me on any kind of social media, you recently found out we are pregnant! We are feeling blessed and super excited. The tricky thing about that first trimester: for most women there is a lot going on -- cravings, nausea, waiting, wondering (in my case a fair amount of staying off my feet due to doctor's orders) -- but you are usually not publicizing your good news quite yet. Hence all that good twitter fodder goes unpublished.<br />
<br />
It's probably better -- for you. How many tweets do you need about how I am now eating like a man or how I'm tired and crazy? Honestly!<br />
<br />
Well, need it or not, here is a little bit of what's been going on behind the scenes for us -- in 140 characters of less. All but one of the would-be tweets below are from me with my shiny new twitter handle: @valerie_photo.<br />
<br />
***<br />
You know your husband's been taking good care of you when you finally make your own snack and think, "I better not mess up his kitchen."<br />
<br />
<br />
I treated Josh to pizza, burgers, froyo & Shipley's donuts all in the past 3 days due to the baby I'm growing. Well, I ate all the pizza.<br />
<br />
<br />
Really? The rubber band trick on my jeans already?! #secondpregnancy <br />
<br />
This one from @jjellis: My adorable pregnant wife says, "I should've asked for two Whoppers!" The huge burgers people, not the smallish chocolate candy.<br />
<br />
<br />
I should've made a second sandwich while I was up. #pregnancyhunger #pregnancynonenergy<br />
<br />
<br />
Gavin said, "I'm gonna eat a lot of breakfast, and then I'm gonna have a baby."<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm such a slob when I'm nauseous. #pregnancyproblems #sorryhoney #stilljustgonnasithere<br />
<br />
<br />
Nauseated...whatever... #pregnancyproblems #grammarproblems<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
My breakfast from CfilA tasted weird. Of course, sugar snap peas taste like
soap and tap water like fish, so... #coulditbeme #pregnancy<br />
<br />
<br />
Freshly-squeezed lemonade for president! #pregnancy #cravingsatisfied<br />
***<br />
<br />
For more of this and stuff of actual substance, you can follow me here: @valerie_photo. Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-23141791953995865342013-09-23T23:25:00.000-05:002013-09-24T15:05:38.587-05:00What (very few) things are workingIn the same 24-hour period, I got<br />
a pouty "Why?"<br />
an "I want Daddy!"<br />
and an insistent, "But I got to do that yesterday..."<br />
<br />
Seems like a great time to take note of the few things that <i>are</i> working for us in toddlerville these days.<br />
<br />
One of the most popular posts on this blog has been "<a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/01/little-things-that-help-behavior-1-to-2.html" target="_blank">Little things that help behavior (1.5 to 2 years)</a>" where I open by saying, "I had to put that little qualifier in the title --1.5 to 2 years old-- because I have a feeling <i>some</i> of these behavior helpers may need some tweaking (or an overhaul) now that Gavin is two." I hate to say, "I told myself so, but..." No, really. I am <i>hating</i> that I was right about that.<br />
<br />
We still use all the techniques from that original post (except I totally dropped the ball on "fold your hands," and I'm not sure how hard I'm willing to work to get it back). It's not that those techniques are <i>un</i>successful now, it's just that they're not the charms they once were.<br />
<br />
It seems like I now live in a world where defiant, whiny or stubborn behaviors are <i>not</i> <i>just</i> means to an end, they are ends in themselves. Disobedience is not for a particular purpose. It's for fun. <br />
<br />
You've heard me say there are good things about every age, and that is true of this impossibly independent stage, too. In addition to saying "no" and "I never get anything..." he also sometimes hugs me and says, "You're my best friend." And yesterday he asked to lay on the couch and watch football with Daddy, which included lying on his chest, asking about the teams and sighing contentedly. Yes, there are many ways life is good right now. And adorable. And hilarious. Still, snarky happens. Here are a few of the things that are helping...today.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Catchy phrases</i></b><br />
Somehow ending a request with "Know what I mean jellybean?" or "That's the plan man!" just makes it easier to swallow. Anything I can do to add a little humor or cleverness to our daily routines is a usually a plus. Unless he's feeling particularly oppositional. Then nothing is funny.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Letting the animals say it</b></i><br />
A little background on this. Lately, he loves playing make believe with his stuffed animals. Who knew? My little guy who would not be entertained with anything plush for the first 2.5 years of his life asks for Kitty to watch him play trains, and he cuddles Pooh Bear and gives him "medicine" when Pooh bonks his head (after being thrown by Gavin, of course). Anyway, he LOVES when I talk for the animals when we play. ("Oh Gavin, I like your castle!" in a high-pitched voice while moving Monkey's arms to clap.) Well, to my amazement, he also transitions from one activity to another much better if Kitty suggests it! Putting on his shoes is <i>delightful</i> if it's Pooh's idea. Cleaning up his toys is never more fun than when Monkey asks him to. <br />
<br />
Three notes on this: 1) I have to <i>start</i> with the animals suggesting. If I tell him it's time for shoes, and he refuses, bringing the animals in as back up...well, it won't work, and it would make me look pretty desperate. I'm not a fan of looking desperate in front of my toddler. 2) If when he hears Pooh say, "Time for shoes!" his face doesn't immediately light up, it's probably time to try something else. This technique works because it's funny, spontaneous and catches him off guard. Something gets lost when Pooh has to start insisting. 3) As with most things, overuse is likely to decrease effectiveness.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Keeping it fun with physical antics</b></i><br />
Lately, I've been reminding myself to infuse lots of wrestling, tickling, tossing around and general physical silliness into our day. This is meant to be a preemptive. In fact, all of these tricks are meant to prevent an episode rather than fix one, but this one in particular is less of a tool to use in a time of need and more of a way to constantly fill my child's love bank. Many times, kids misbehave because they just plain feel bad -- physically or emotionally. It's important to figure out those things that help them feel loved and then practice them often. For all kids, eye contact, focused attention and (appropriate) physical touch are ways they can receive the love we feel for them. (Some kids are resistant to these things, but they still need them.) This and more are touched on in <i>How to Really Love Your Child</i> by D. Ross Campbell. I have to warn you that the writing is somewhat repetitive, but there is some good content. I was glad I pushed through to the end.<br />
<br />
For Gavin, tickling and physical silliness are like a healing balms. I can see his demeanor and his outlook on the day changing for the good as we wrestle and play. Anything that can do that for him is like gold to me. <br />
<br />
<i><b>Prayer</b></i><br />
I don't do it nearly enough, but when I do, I ask God to help Gavin feel his love, to help him act in ways that are impossible without God, to give me wisdom and energy and to help me communicate God's love and ways clearly and compellingly. Sometimes I see a difference right away, and that is such a blessing. But when I don't, I am blessed when I remember that prayer is not just about God changing my situation, but also about God changing me. I am so grateful that God cares about the biggest and smallest parts of my day and that He's not content to leave me the way I am. He cares for us, friend. He hasn't left us alone in toddlerville.<i><b> </b></i><br />
<br />
<br />Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-66778422826148955652013-08-08T22:18:00.000-05:002013-08-08T22:32:58.135-05:00Baby Dedication Letter - A Guest Post of Sorts<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
A few weeks ago, our friends
dedicated their adorable two-year-old son (name omitted for his privacy) to the
Lord. They wrote him this letter, which they read to him in front of the
church. It floored me. It was so sweet and personal and profound. They have
graciously allowed me to share it with you. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I love the way their letter
highlights the goodness of God, their son's personality and the individualized
instruction they desire to give him in the Lord. It is precious to me that they
want to be careful not to fit him into a predetermined mold or even create a
carbon copy of themselves, but rather grow someone who's faith is vibrant in
the Lord in the context of the person God made him to be. I believe this captures
much of what Proverbs 22:6 is talking about, and in a very beautiful way:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Train up a child in the way he
should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I hope you enjoy the letter as I
have. I know I will be praying many parts of it for Gavin...in the context of
who God has created <i>him</i> to be.<i> </i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
(For a bit of background: in our
church, we treat dedication as more of a commitment on the part of the parents
and church family to love and guide the child in the way of the Lord, rather
than as a guarantee of the child's right-standing with God. We believe when the
child is older, they still must choose for themselves whether to follow the
Lord.)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Oh, and notice the <a href="http://www.21lovetags.blogspot.com/p/about-love-tags.html" target="_blank">love tags</a> in the first line. Love
them!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Dear Son,</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>You are our silly goose, our
cuddly bear, our wild monkey, our little rascal, and we love you more than we
could have ever imagined. You are a perfect gift to us. You bring us happiness.
We are blessed everyday by your enormous smiles and sweet giggles. Your joyful
personality attracts everybody. We are encouraged and in awe of your carefree
spirit. You make us laugh all the time! We love watching you enjoy life, from
jumping at the playgrounds, splashing in the pool, kicking soccer balls,
sharing a spoon at the yogurt shop, popping water balloons in your face, to
letting the world know whenever you spot a bulldozer. The list could go
on, but life though your eyes is pure joy.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>From the day you were born, we’ve
felt enormous commitment and responsibility to make your world safe, beautiful,
and happy.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Spending time with you clears
our mind to see past the stress and worries in our life.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>God knew just right person for
us.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Now that you’re two, our focus
as parents shifts from just meeting your basic needs to being intentional about
how we raise you. We’re committed to creating an environment free of fear,
where you can make mistakes and try new things and find out how to be fully
you.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>We want to teach you that everyone
is valued and loved and we treat everyone with kindness and respect.
We’re committed to having fun together as a family.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>We’re committed to giving you
opportunities to find your passions and to teach you about the love of Jesus.
Every step of this life seems impossible without trusting that God is in
control of your life. </i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Your family and community of
friends will have a lasting impact on your life. Our family will always love
and support you (even though some live far away), and you are also blessed to
have a strong family-like community nearby. We will continue to surround you
with those who model Jesus’ love. Our hope is that our family and our community
of friends will be a safe place for you. We will be your mentors. We will
support and guide you, and live as examples for you.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>And lastly, w<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>e
dream that you will know joy and happiness. That you will want to help others
and join in God’s work to make this world a better place. We dream that you
will discover and say “yes” to the person that God has made you to be. We dream
that our family will continue to grow together and that you will always feel
the same closeness and tangible love that you experience now.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>With love,</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Daddy and Mommy </i></div>
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<![endif]-->Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-26628776825079121812013-07-17T23:53:00.002-05:002013-07-29T21:20:54.254-05:00For the love (and letting go) of the pacifier: Part 3Other than my typing, the only sound I hear right now is my dog snoring.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<i>Um...So what???</i><br />
<br />
So this: My son is silent...asleep...without a pacifier...like a big boy.<br />
<br />
So...I will bask in the joy of this milestone a few moments longer. It is <i>absolutely</i> in my nature to spend time and energy thinking, praying, worrying, earnestly praying, planning, fretting, remembering to pray again (you get the idea), but then when the problem is solved, the result is good, the prayer is answered like I had hoped...I say a quick "thanks" or an excited "yes!!!" and move on to fret about the next thing. SO in my nature.<br />
<br />
No, I need to spend as much time enjoying the moment as I do planning for it and as much energy saying thank you as I do making requests. (Inhale...Exhale...)<br />
<br />
When I <a href="http://www.21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier_15.html" target="_blank">last posted</a>, I was anticipating a second try at laying him down for a nap without Daddy and without a pacifier (the first try was a disaster). Anticipating may be too kind a word (see above list...planning, fretting, remembering to pray again). I was playing it out in my mind all morning, and I wasn't feeling it. His urge to get sympathy from me is so strong right now that though he had gone down great for Daddy, Aunt Andrea and then Daddy and me together, I just had the feeling he was going to try to pull something. What incentive did he have <i>not </i>to?<br />
<br />
But I had an ace up my sleeve. I decided if it was going to work, I had to use it preemptively -- I couldn't wait to see if he would be fine without it. Now, it wasn't a <i>completely</i> foolproof plan because it involved some delayed gratification, which is very tricky at this age. However, I knew this particular incentive was huge for him, so I thought I would give it a try.<br />
<br />
He had been asking to go to his friend Madeleine's house for several days. Gavin knows Madeleine from church. She is a very mature and sweet 7. She apparently has that "it" factor for toddler and preschool boys. I think it has something to do with the fact that she pays attention to them and talks to them and (at our most recent play date) develops lesson plans for them compete with games and hands-on activities. Are you getting the picture here? According to her mom, she doesn't mind that the toddlers follow her around and hang on her every word (read: she likes it). She plays great with Gavin, so I like it, too.<br />
<br />
Though he didn't know when, he knew we were going to her house soon. So at lunch, I pulled out the calendar and drew a heart on Thursday (today is Tuesday) and told him that we were going to Madeleine's house in a couple days, but first he had to lie down and take a nap like a big boy with no crying. I showed him how many days away it was, and I was clear that we were not going when he woke up -- we would go in two days. But first he had to lay down like a big boy. He seemed convinced immediately, and I could tell it wasn't one of those I'll-placate-Mommy-now-but-I-am-already-making-plans-to-rebel moments. I think he really intended to do it.<br />
<br />
Of course, intending and doing are two entirely different things. When I was laying him down, he did start to insist on a pacifier and feign apathy about Madeleine's house, but I very quickly reminded him of our plan, repositioned him, said I loved him and walked out. No tears. Woohoo!!!<br />
<br />
It took him <i>forever</i> to fall asleep! But no tears. Some of my friends who had been praying were texting and emailing with me while I waited, and of course, I was sending updates to Josh. When Gavin finally got quiet and fell asleep -- I am not going to lie -- a few happy tears escaped my eyes.<br />
<br />
He's been doing great ever since (a whole one day, but I'm optimistic). We are still dealing with cranky mornings, but once we start breakfast, he's usually good. I hope we get back to morning cuddles and smiles soon.<br />
<br />
Thanks for coming along with us on this journey to a life without paci. Not that I don't love you and everything, but I think you'll understand when I say -- I'm glad it was a short one.<br />
<br />
Other posts in this series: <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> and <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier_15.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a> Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-73238225261625769892013-07-15T23:23:00.000-05:002013-07-29T21:17:24.686-05:00For the love (and letting go) of the pacifier: Part 2<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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In <a href="http://www.21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> of this short series, I talked about how I prepared to help Gavin say farewell pacifier. But the initiation of our "You're a Big
Boy Now" Campaign actually started with Gavin. A month or so ago, my mom
had told him that soon he would be old enough to say goodbye to his pacifier
and give it to a baby. He mentioned it every now and then, and one morning, out of the blue, he said he wanted to give them to the babies now. After expressing interest and reserved pleasure, I asked if he was ready to take a
nap without his pacifier. He thought about it and said, "I give them to the babies
later." Even though he wasn't actually ready, he brought it up without any prompting, so I thought -- maybe this is a good time.<br />
<br />
A few days later, when I told Gavin I had gotten some books about pacifiers
from the library, he came over in a trance-like state. Did I mention he loves his
pacifier? <br />
<br />
I was thrilled that Gavin liked <i>Bye-Bye Binky</i>. Overall, it's a cute
book. When Nori, the main character, loses his pacifier, his friends find it in
various places (unbeknownst to him) and think it is something else -- a ring, a
hair clip, a swing, etc. When the protagonist finally gets it back, he realizes
he doesn't need it anymore, ties it to a balloon and lets it go. The story is light, fun and lets parents fill in the blanks of their child's specific situation. I
don't quite get the part about the curly-tail catapult, but okay -- whatever.<br />
<br />
So we started talking about how he is a big boy and how it's time to say bye-bye to his pacifier, so his teeth would stay nice. We brought out a
calendar on which I had highlighted the next three days. We said, "This
square is today. This square is tomorrow. Each square is a day. Today is over.
Let's check it off. Can you help me make a check?" He thought that was so cool. Then I pointed
to the highlighted days and said, "You can pick one of these days to say
bye-bye to your pacifier. Do you want to pick tomorrow, the next day or the next
day?" Wisely he chose the day furthest away, which worked well with my
plan because it was a Friday. Each night we would check off the day and talk
about what would happen on Friday. He <i>smiled</i> every time he said, "I'm
gonna say bye-bye my pacifier." I knew the tears would come regardless,
but as I said in the last post, I wanted him to feel positive, prepared and
supported.<br />
<br />
Enter the moral compromise of the story: Gavin wanted to say bye-bye to his
pacifier by letting it go up with a balloon -- like Nori in the book -- and we
said yes. Ugh, I can't believe we did that. We really do love birds and
the environment and everything. I guess desperate parents + a possible way out
= poor judgment. Don't worry, it all works out for the birds in the end. Keep
reading.<br />
<br />
The next day we read the book more and also watched part of the Elmo video (<i>Bye-Bye Pacifier: Big Kid Stories with Elmo</i>).
I thought the story in the video was drawn out and rather tedious. It may be interesting for
parents or kids with longer attention spans because it explains all the ways
Elmo tried to get rid of his pacifier and what finally worked. I knew there was
no way he would sit through the entire thing, so I just played the song and
portion of the story that described the final solution. It's a cute, catchy
song with elements of empathy and reasoning. It got stuck in my head for way
too many hours.<br />
<br />
When Friday came, the three of us went to buy some helium balloons. That
was fun in itself! We got four balloons for the two pacifiers and two for him
to play with after the lift-off.<br />
<br />
We decided to do it at home in our backyard (fewer witnesses for our environmental folly). We let Gavin hold them, and
say, “Bye-bye! I’m a big boy now.” He let them go, and they flew over the fence...<br />
<br />
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<br />
...right into the neighbor’s very tall tree.<br />
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<br />
Hmmm…Gavin looked up. There are the balloons. There are the pacifiers. Not
quite the climactic moment we were envisioning. Thankfully, he was so excited
about being a big boy, it did not ruin the plan. He just looked up every now and then and said, "I'm a big boy now. I said bye-bye to my pacifiers." He played in the backyard
while Josh and I argued with whispers and facial expressions about whether or
not we should get them down. I was against. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(He’ll
be fine. We don’t have anything that will reach. I’ll tell him the squirrels
will use them for their nest. I don’t want you to fall and break your neck. It’s
so hot and humid that we hardly go in the backyard!) </i>Josh was for. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(If he wakes up and sees them there, all
bets are off.)</i> Josh was right.<br />
<br />
Without going into detail, let me just say he got them down using all the
mechanical engineering skills you’d expect from a sociology major (his words
not mine). So it was a happy ending for the birds and the environment (and our
backyard neighbors). Once rescued from the tree, we had to kill four innocent balloons. Tragic, I know, but they had served
their purpose, and we couldn’t very well have them floating around the house
the next day. No, they had to go. We did suck the helium for fun. Total sidebar:
Josh’s voice is not affected by helium. I’m thinking about checking the color
of his blood. (Cue <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Twilight Zone</i>
theme.)<br />
<br />
When we started our before-bed stories, Gavin asked for his pacifier out of
habit. We reminded him that he is a big boy now, and we said bye-bye to them.
That went fine until it was actually time to lie down. He protested and whined
and whimpered. We gave one more hug, and he lay down, but not more than a
minute after we left the room, he started whimpering again. We let him go for
five minutes, and then Josh went in, assured him and left. (We decided on Josh
going because before we left the room it was obvious that he was trying to get
sympathy from me.) We didn't hear another peep from him. Overall, pretty good! We were pleased.<br />
<br />
In the mornings, we usually cuddle in the glider before starting our day. He woke up asking for his pacifier and would not be comforted -- even by Daddy! No cuddling today. Good thing I had those new hot wheels cars. Instant mood changer!<br />
<br />
Naptime Saturday was harder. He didn’t want to lie down. We let him cry
for 10 minutes. Josh went in, settled him and left. No problem. Repeat at
bedtime that night.<br />
<br />
Naptime Sunday was a different story. Josh left in the afternoon to work on
his dissertation, and I had nap duty by myself. When I left the room, he started crying.
I was going to let him cry for 10 minutes and go in to reassure and then leave
again, but at 8 minutes he got quiet – the miracle I was praying for! Just when
I started to feel sad that he had cried himself to sleep, I hear him. Is that
whimpering, humming, singing? It was hard to tell. After a while, it escalated.
I went in, reassured, left – further escalation. Rinse and repeat. At some point, Gavin decided
forget sympathy, I’m going for all out autonomy – no nap today. I called Josh
to ask him to come home. My hero came in, calmed him for two minutes, left the
room. Silence. Sleep. Nap ensues. Thank you, Lord.<br />
<br />
So at this point, I’m low. Very low. I knew there would be tears, but not this. And it
seemed like it was becoming a pattern. I knew it couldn't last forever, but how long? My friends said three days -- that's tomorrow! It doesn't seem like it's going to be better tomorrow. Ugh! What to do?!<br />
<br />
So I prayed and thought. I was in the same turmoil as when he'd go through sleep transitions (rebellions) in his newborn days, so why not use the same plan? Make someone else do it until his habit changes. Unfortunately, I was the catalyst for the crying and protesting, so I decided it was best to remove myself from the equation for a few days. (Yes, I know how blessed I am to have help -- believe me, I do.) So my new plan was: Sunday night, Josh does bedtime with Gavin solo. Monday, he naps at my
sister’s house while I work.<br />
<br />
Both Sunday night and Monday afternoon went great (yay!!!) -- not a single tear. Monday night I decided Josh and I would do bedtime with him together like normal. We had a very fun bedtime. He was in a good mood. I was feeling it. It was going to work. Then after I laid him in the crib, he was like, "Wait! Mom's here. I should see how far I can take this." I firmly reassured him, and Josh gave him his blankets and bears. I know Daddy being there helped interrupt the downward spiral. "Sweet dreams" were exchanged, and we were out. No crying! Hallelujah!<br />
<br />
So I sit here and type, moments away from a celebratory froyo. My next big hurdle is laying him down by myself with no crying (his crying or mine), which I will have the...excitement...of doing tomorrow, and at naptime nonetheless. I am hopeful for a good result. I'll let you know.<br />
<br />
Other posts in this series include: <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> and <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier_17.html" target="_blank">Part 3</a> Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-67568180245508671282013-07-14T23:39:00.000-05:002013-07-29T21:19:08.082-05:00For the love (and letting go) of the pacifier: Part 1This story begins early one winter morning when Gavin was less than two weeks old. My mom had come over to help and let Josh rest. Gavin had just nursed but was still very fussy. We tried every soothing technique we knew. And then I just did it. I grabbed the pacifier the hospital had given us and popped it right in his mouth.<br />
<br />
Now we had been trying to wait on this step as long as possible -- so as not to introduce nipple confusion. We knew it was just a matter of time before we'd give it a shot. This child had such a strong sucking reflex and a strong mouth. Oh yes, a pacifier was in his future. It was only a question of when.<br />
<br />
When Josh woke up later that morning, he was surprised to see Gavin with a pacifier (which he later insisted that we <i>never</i> call paci or binky or anything else). I just said, "We decided we're doing the pacifier now." He looked confused like maybe he was so sleep-deprived that he forgot that entire conversation. No honey, not you-and-I "we." Me-and-my-accomplice "we."<br />
<br />
And so it began. Pacifier. I'm a fan.<br />
<br />
But we knew the time would come when we would have to wean him off of it -- a day I was dreading. Somewhere around 18 months we made the slow but pretty easy transition to keeping it in the crib and only using it for sleeping. Our doctor said he could sleep with it until age 3, but my friend cautioned me about waiting too long because she said if he's not physically desperate for a nap, he may start dropping his nap when his comfort item is taken away. I am interested in keeping the nap as long as possible, so upon this advice, I started thinking about how we would wean him. A few months later, after he turned two-and-a-half, we decided it was time.<br />
<br />
I knew there was probably no way to avoid the tears, but I also didn't want to spring it on him one night. I wanted him to feel positive, prepared and supported. <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span>(And just in case you were wondering -- no, he is not the kid that is just going to give it up one day on his own. I wish. He loves this thing. He is not attached to any other object.)<br />
<br />
Gavin loves books, and he is pretty suggestible if the idea comes from a book, so I started reading reviews for every pacifier book I could find. Based on what I found, it seemed most of them spent a good deal of time helping the child limit pacifier usage only to sleepy times. Well, we were already there, so I kept looking. The only one I found that really seemed to meet our needs was <i>Bye-Bye Binky</i> by Brigette Weninger. Unfortunately it was out of print and going for $49 or more on Amazon and auction sites. (When I was lamenting this to my parents, my so-sweet, very-frugal dad blurted out: "Fifty bucks! Give me that pacifier. He'll only cry for a day." Ha ha -- funny dad.) Thankfully, I found it for free at our local library. (While I was there I also got <i>Little Bunny's Pacifier Plan</i>. Gavin never wanted to read it, but it seemed to coincide well enough with our situation that I gave it a shot.)<br />
<br />
I also bought my first kid's DVD: <i>Bye-Bye Pacifier - Big Kid Stories with Elmo. </i>Before this video, Gavin still hadn't really watched TV yet. We originally chose not to introduce TV before age two based on <i>Brain Rules for Babies </i>(see my take on the book <a href="http://www.21lovetags.blogspot.com/2011/12/we-dont-know-what-we-dont-know-baby.html" target="_blank">here</a>), but then after he turned two, I just never made time to look into what shows I wanted to him to watch, and he never seemed interested, so we never made it a priority. Anyway, I thought this video would be a special treat.<br />
<br />
The last couple things in my arsenal: pictures of Gavin's slightly older friends who had given up their pacifiers already (before and after pics), a pack of hot wheels cars I had picked up at a resale shop and a calendar with markers. <br />
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See how it all comes together and then falls apart and then (hopefully) comes together in the end, as this short series continues. (You can subscribe by email or to the RSS feed or follow me on twitter @valerie_e.)<br />
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Other posts in this series: <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier_15.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a> and <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/07/for-love-and-letting-go-of-pacifier_17.html" target="_blank">Part 3</a> <br />
<br />Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-50093101595963541072013-07-11T23:43:00.002-05:002013-07-11T23:43:38.483-05:00Not just the negativeIn my last <a href="http://21lovetags.blogspot.com/2013/06/mommy-is-so-yesterday.html" target="_blank">post</a>, I lamented that Gavin didn't want to play with me anymore. Just boss me.<br />
<br />
In my effort to bring "not just the negative," I thought I'd write to say that the very next day was a bit better. And it's been getting better ever since. We have actually played <i>together</i>,<i> </i>especially over the past week. Not as equals, mind you. I mean, he's still the boss (make no mistake). But it has been fun to join in his make-believe and actually have some of my game suggestions approved!<br />
<br />
Just look what we've been doing:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheqx8GUmBecc4RSMYWKkOmwhEeeB03HZQyXxK8tQJtv8tPwVCF06DU909giJ777RdeY8O6oAY_ziiFJle84xOivgBwU3GP0hzEGPhXbbsoUyhtumV8K7nXth7wwfSrSxqfIomGXDAihJs/s1600/IMG_1579.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheqx8GUmBecc4RSMYWKkOmwhEeeB03HZQyXxK8tQJtv8tPwVCF06DU909giJ777RdeY8O6oAY_ziiFJle84xOivgBwU3GP0hzEGPhXbbsoUyhtumV8K7nXth7wwfSrSxqfIomGXDAihJs/s320/IMG_1579.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretending his scooter was a bulldozer to push the blocks and pretending his arms were a crane to lift the blocks and build a building. All while wearing his "construction man" hat.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Playing pirate ship -- "Land, ho!"</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5im8YGDj9Bgg3fay6s7T67BG0O3SkUeHKkm803z6BFL8wX8IJuu75-oJs-43dflitMiBlhyphenhyphenPj_JNXBeBoE_O8U6vcjvbjTc8G0qB3NYLJ4NRE1R1zXPUcFCaVsQqbOz6N6HOFDTN1m80/s1600/IMG_1607a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5im8YGDj9Bgg3fay6s7T67BG0O3SkUeHKkm803z6BFL8wX8IJuu75-oJs-43dflitMiBlhyphenhyphenPj_JNXBeBoE_O8U6vcjvbjTc8G0qB3NYLJ4NRE1R1zXPUcFCaVsQqbOz6N6HOFDTN1m80/s320/IMG_1607a.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The crane truck is towing the Lego car, so the mechanic can "take a look." Funny how after it's fixed, the crane truck still tows the car home.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibANTBc-Bhobp_EWQx6mjYbuHGywAq7J_vvQ3cOUnROXc0v_umg8mKgGfpslhLAszDmjGhFbNu_wY9WaHTkQKo-ixKnoVTaX4JuuuP_suFvhnMsuU8ImNVNsCrFojXJlIEOducZ6JCI9Q/s1600/IMG_1608a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibANTBc-Bhobp_EWQx6mjYbuHGywAq7J_vvQ3cOUnROXc0v_umg8mKgGfpslhLAszDmjGhFbNu_wY9WaHTkQKo-ixKnoVTaX4JuuuP_suFvhnMsuU8ImNVNsCrFojXJlIEOducZ6JCI9Q/s320/IMG_1608a.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes the little boy pictured helps put out fires, but mostly he
plays on the ladder. There's our "control tower" in the background.</td></tr>
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It's been fun playing with my cheery guy. Don't get me wrong -- he still loves to say no and knows how to throw a fit, but I'm glad to have the bright spots of "play" as a part of this two-year-old cocktail again.</div>
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In other news...there's no way to know if Gavin had his <i>first</i> dream today, but there is evidence that he did have <i>a </i>dream today, and it's the first one I've known about. He woke from his nap saying, "Mommy, Mommy" in a whimper (not unusual). I walk in and he's still lying down (not unusual). He says, "Mommy, I want to hold a truck," in a sweet, pathetic, urgent voice (very unusual). I repeated his request to make sure I understood, and then not having a truck at hand, I offered a race car. He then started working his way to a standing position saying he was ready to get up. It's so cute to think of him dreaming about trucks. And I didn't need particularly well-honed dream interpretation skills to surmise that the dream was triggered by that morning's play date with a boy whose room is "car heaven" -- many plastic bins full of cars and a wall of storage cubes with large, realistic trucks and construction equipment. If that doesn't inspire a little boy to dream, I don't know what does. </div>
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Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-43730902947434987192013-06-23T23:18:00.001-05:002013-06-23T23:18:04.155-05:00Mommy is SO yesterdayI have about a thousand (read: six) potential blog posts spinning around in my head, but I am starting with the one I'm in the middle of right now. The terrible twos...<br />
<br />
Yep, it's happened. He is closing in on two-and-a-half, and I guess toddler bliss can't last forever.<br />
<br />
I should qualify this by saying anyone outside our family of three would call them the "quirky" twos. After a night of babysitting, my own mom looks at me wide-eyed when I asked how he did. "I can't imagine him doing anything wrong!" she says. This is somehow paybacks because <i>her own </i>mom used to say that of me -- the first grandchild. My grandmother's comments left me pretty much convinced that I had been a perfect child...until now...when I realize...I just had her snowed.<br />
<br />
Now, my husband Josh is definitely a little closer to the action. He may call this phase the whiny twos or the impossible twos or the I'm-so-over-the-occasional-tantrum twos.<br />
<br />
As the mom, I have the privilege and the burden (don't forget the anxiety and exhaustion) of experiencing the "terrible" right under my feet, sun up to sun down. I know the fact that he will test me more and learn how to push my "buttons" faster comes with the territory of being the person he spends the most time with -- a privilege I do not plan on giving up any time soon. And that dynamic has existed his entire life. When he was five weeks I went to a support class for nursing to get help with a couple different things -- one of which was his squirminess. Of course, he nursed beautifully during the class (like when you take your car into the shop, and it stops making that indescribable noise...anyone?). I mentioned that I did seem to have more problems when I was home alone nursing than when my husband or mom were there. They said, "Oh, that's normal. They always act up more for mom." I was like, "Already?!" Yes. Already.<br />
<br />
I would lament to Josh during Gavin's various infant stages that I got more unpleasantness from him than anyone else did. He would empathize but also remind me that moms always get the most cuddles and the best hugs. It was true.<br />
<br />
But will it remain true?<br />
<br />
Here's what I mean. Yes, we are experiencing whining, fervent negotiating that quickly turns into demanding, screaming (if you know him, I know you don't believe me right now) and the occasional short-lived tantrum. Those things cause me quite a bit of anxiety. It's really the anticipation of them that is the worst for me -- knowing that any given request may trigger a flywheel of insistence and irrationality. <br />
<br />
But even more than that, I feel like I am losing my playmate. My mommy status seems to be changing from my son's "favorite person to be with" to his "favorite person to boss around," which wouldn't be so bad except the bossing usually includes him telling me that I can't play with him. Do I sound like a second-grader at recess or what?! <i>"He won't play with me!!" </i>I know. I know. It sounds so silly, but it is kind of getting me down in a way I wouldn't have anticipated. Probably because it's coupled with these typical two symptoms <i>and</i> an unprecedented love for play with Daddy. (Unprecedented is a strong word here because he has <i>always </i>loved his daddy.)<br />
<br />
I'll just stop right here and say this is a tricky post to write without a slew of disclaimers. So here they are:<br />
-- No, I'm not saying everything about "two" is terrible.<br />
-- No, I would never call him terrible, nor would I describe his behavior that way in front of him.<br />
-- No, I'm not jealous of his love for my husband. I know I am insanely blessed that Josh is such a great dad and that Gavin adores him.<br />
-- Yes, there are plenty of good times to be had, and actually, he is still amazingly cuddly with me. (At least for now, I still <i>do</i> get the best hugs.)<br />
-- Yes, I know this is a phase and that independence is a normal part of development.<br />
<br />
Today, it just felt like I was getting all of the negativism without the sweet looks and funny jokes and playfulness that usually take the edge off.<br />
<br />
So I was down in the dumps. During naptime, I asked God to help me and started looking at some trusted parenting sites and even a few child development thesis papers to try to get a better picture of what play with mom is supposed to look like at this age. The answer: it depends on the mom, the kid, the day, the environment... There are few right or wrong answers. (Okay I did find a few <i>wrong</i> ones -- don't use sarcasm, cut-downs and controlling commands during creative play -- all "givens" for my readers, I'm sure.)<br />
<br />
The most comforting reminder I found: It is normal for toddlers to assert their independence in a variety of ways including during play. Since I am his primary caregiver, he might be trying to signal
that he needs me less. I'm sure he is learning something critical by running his train up and down the tracks, so maybe he just needs to concentrate
on that. Maybe he sees me being directive in so many things (let's get your shoes on, time to eat, be careful on those steps), and there are a few play arenas where he wants to call the shots. <br />
<br />
As I was jotting down a few notes from my reading, I made an impromptu list.<br />
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These are the things I’m allowed to do with him lately:</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Play musical instruments, dance, marching
band (I am to avoid singing at all costs...sigh)</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Puzzles (though he doesn’t prefer puzzles lately)</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Legos</li>
<li>Sometimes pretend play with pirate ship or stuffed
animals</li>
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Things I am not allowed to do:</div>
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<br /></div>
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<li>Play cars </li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Touch the train unless he needs help when it has fallen</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Play sports </li>
</ul>
<br />
This actually helped. First of all, it reminded me that--in general--when you're down in the dumps, exercising your left brain (math, organizing) can help lift you out. Also, asking for God's help is always a good idea. Finally, putting things down in black and white helped me realize there are still things he likes to do with my participation. Shockingly, it's not all doom and gloom as my pre-prayer, pre-nap, dark-chocolate-almond-milk-chugging self once believed. Hope. It's a beautiful gift.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately knowing these things and writing this blog will have no impact whatsoever on the likelihood that I will encounter a tantrum tomorrow. However, hope is a powerful outlook-changer. I'm glad to have some in my mommy bag now.<br />
<br />
For more on getting up out of "the dumps," check out this blog from a lady I really respect: <a href="http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/04/02/stuck-in-the-doldrums-an-attack-plan">http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/04/02/stuck-in-the-doldrums-an-attack-plan</a><br />Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-90224510360256224662013-05-29T20:28:00.004-05:002013-05-30T14:12:11.196-05:00Where'd that come from?If you knew when I started this post....<br />
...well, it would make a lot more sense.<br />
So, I'm just going to tell you.<br />
January 14th <br />
<br />
Gavin had turned two a few weeks earlier. He loved food (still does), and usually his requests sounded like:<br />
<br />
"Orange."<br />
or "Orange please"<br />
or "More please."<br />
<br />
One day (*ahem* January 14th) as I was cleaning up from lunch, Gavin turns and looks at me from his high chair and says in a completely matter-of-fact way, "Mom (pause) can I have some bacon?"<br />
<br />
What?!<br />
<br />
First, I've never made or given him bacon. We don't talk about bacon (unless we're talking about a Jim Gaffigan routine). And it's not like he watches TV. I'm not necessarily against bacon (or TV). I'll sometimes order bacon with pancakes at Mimi's Cafe or The Egg & I. I just don't ever make it.<br />
<br />
It wasn't just the words themselves -- his tone was so grown up. And he spoke in a complete sentence, with pauses in all the right places and everything.<br />
<br />
I was extremely amused, rather in awe and slightly confused. Also, I couldn't get over it. So I started jotting down things for this post called "Where'd that come from?"<br />
<br />
<br />
But life happened, I prioritized other posts and it got lost in the
shuffle. Every now and then, I would look at the phrases I jotted down, and they started to pale in comparison to our present-day hilarity, so I decided the time for publishing it had
passed and shelved the post.<br />
<br />
<br />
Until...a few nights ago. I was in his room putting away laundry, and Josh was in the next room giving him a bath. I hear them talking:<br />
<br />
Gavin: "Gavin is a boy, and Daddy is a _______."<br />
<br />
Josh: "Daddy's a man."<br />
<br />
Gavin: "Daddy is a man. And Mommy is a girl."<br />
<br />
Josh: "Well, Mommy is a woman."<br />
<br />
Gavin: "Call her a girl."<br />
<br />
Josh: "Okay, we can call her a girl." (To me) "Hey Val, will you bring me his vitamins please?"<br />
<br />
Gavin: (To me) "HEY WOMAN!"<br />
<br />
Then he laughed like he was SOOO funny. Which of course, he was. Josh and I were dying laughing. Which confirmed his notion that he was SOOO funny. What made it even funnier was that his pronunciation of "woman" was not unlike Mike Myers in <i>So I Married an Axe Murderer</i>. "WO-man!"<br />
<br />
It was for that moment that I decided I had to resurrect this post.<br />
<br />
<br />
Another example from back in January: I asked him if he remembered where a toy
was, and this barely-two-year-old said, "Um, I don't know. Have to see." (Oh, is <i>that</i> what I sound like?)<br />
<br />
Here are two more that happened recently.<br />
<br />
When I was buckling him into our rental car during our recent trip to visit family in Chicago, he just looked at me and said, "Making dreams come true." (Huh?!)<br />
<br />
<br />
When he is feeling particularly sentimental, he thinks "Happy Birthday, Mommy" is a wonderful way to express his affection. It is SO precious. I absolutely just go with it and say, "Awww, Happy Birthday, Gavin." He smiles and so, that's that. I may correct him one day. <i>Maybe.</i> "Um...I don't know. Have to see."Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-19482220715312378542013-05-12T23:15:00.001-05:002013-05-25T21:41:48.585-05:00Notes about notesAs a music-lover that knows just enough to have strong opinions, but not enough to blog about them (wink) with a toddler who seems to have super-good hearing and a love for music (and lots of opinions), I am jotting this post. It's one of those that's more for me -- to capture a few things that made my heart happy today.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPxk2mHUnLSXU93TxwJjOXw1qD4FtAuB6CTw5m56mZcxllpVeANl47yhIjewbcdbliggTC3A4ARWzN9A0xIEsDv95Ul2HvPn-H-L0Ng8Fo5OdPU3QUx_8kHnZuxEqul1XHCmcM3e92Lmk/s1600/IMG_1240a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPxk2mHUnLSXU93TxwJjOXw1qD4FtAuB6CTw5m56mZcxllpVeANl47yhIjewbcdbliggTC3A4ARWzN9A0xIEsDv95Ul2HvPn-H-L0Ng8Fo5OdPU3QUx_8kHnZuxEqul1XHCmcM3e92Lmk/s320/IMG_1240a.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rocking out to Pandora</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
At morning snack, he pointed to my shirt and said, "Beatles!" I said, "Yeah! We know some Beatles songs like 'Here Comes the Sun.'" He said, "Here Comes the Sun, Daddy!" Josh said, "You like that song, buddy?" And Gavin said, "Yeah!" (I didn't mention "Twist and Shout" because when he hears it, he says, "Beatles yelling." He's not a fan of yelling in real life or in music...unless he's doing it.)<br />
<br />
From "Do-Re-Mi" (<i>Sound of Music</i>), he has memorized the sound of the interval Sol-Do, which occurs prominently at the end of the song. The song came on Pandora in the car, and he said, "At the end, they're gonna say 'Sol Do!'"<br />
<br />
They were playing Latin music at the restaurant at dinner. He was dancing pretty hard in his little seat. Then he said, "At the end, they're gonna say 'Sol Do!'" Then he smiled. Such a joker.<br />
<br />
Then while we were eating and talking and listening, he said, "They're playing drums." I affirmed him, and thought about saying, "And guitar," just to help him continue to develop his ear, but then I told myself to just take a breath -- he's two. Then, I kid you not, two songs later he said, "They're playing drums...and guitar!"<br />
<br />
See, I told you it was for me. But if you enjoyed sharing it with me, well that's cool, too.Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-80157462614603931792013-04-21T21:02:00.002-05:002013-05-25T21:02:09.931-05:00ToysAs a work-part-time-from-home-mom, I am so blessed to be able to regularly leave Gavin with someone I trust, so I can have some quiet, focused time to help my clients. (So blessed!) After the hustle of breakfast, morning play, cleaning up, getting dressed and then getting him out the door, I usually inhale, exhale and then miss him a ton. Maybe that's why I don't mind seeing a toy or two on the floor as I walk to my desk. No matter how well we clean up -- and he is usually good at it -- a toy or book always seems to make it out of its spot as I'm loading the car or refilling his cup or doing another last minute thing. Now, my husband feels completely differently about this. Josh would be putting that book in its spot, putting the toy out of sight and <i>then</i> opening his laptop. I am <i>usually</i> like that, too. In fact, I have invested research and cash in getting those primary-colored playthings out of sight as much as possible. But, I don't know...when I'm about to start an eight hour stretch of me, my computer and my own thoughts (which can get a little scary from time to time), a little sign of life, a reminder of his silly antics brings a smile to my face. On my good days, those reminders also create a sense of urgency, like: If you want to be able to have more distraction-free playtime with your sweetie, you better buckle down and get your stuff done!<br />
<br />
But I'll tell you another reason that -- for the last six months -- I've loved to see those toys out. Because before that he <i>was not interested. </i>Now, I tend to be kind of "by the book" in unfamiliar territory. Get me comfortable and I may start making up my own rules, but until then, tell me how it is supposed to work and for how long and to what degree. I drove our families crazy as I developed sleep schedules for Gavin. I drove Josh crazy as I obsessed about them. And then, when something didn't work I drove myself crazy. When it came to toys, I had a similar, albeit much less intense, experience. I was confused as to why he didn't want to play with toys. The babies in the ads looked so happy and engaged. When he did play with them, he didn't really do it the way the toys were designed. The rings didn't go on the pole. He just banged them together. I was convinced he'd be going to kinder and just banging toys together in every center. I would go in search of toys to interest him for naught. <i>Me to Josh: </i>"But honey, the box says 12 months and up, and he doesn't care a thing about it. He doesn't even look at it long enough to see what it does." <i>Josh: </i>"I think that means they won't kill themselves on it at 12 months. It's not a guarantee they'll play with it."<br />
<br />
Recently, as I was looking back and pondering this phenomenon, I told Josh how happy I am that Gavin is playing with toys now. "You know," I said, "because all he wanted to do until he turned two was go outside, read
books, put cars down ramps and run around the house with us." Josh laughed and said I sounded ridiculous. "You know those are some of the healthiest things that kids can do, right?" Yes, of course he is right. I <i>wouldn't have traded </i>those activities for blocks, bears and pianos--not in a million years--but between the playtime paradigms in my head and the desire for balance (and a little variety!!!), I kept one eye out for the perfect toy to capture his attention.<br />
<br />
This general disinterest in most toys continued for months and months. Among others, my friend Cate had the same experience. Her theory (which I fully buy into) is that when they are infants they see us using a spatula, using a hairbrush, using a rag, whatever. None of those things are multicolored with bells. As babies, their number one interest is in us--our faces, our warmth, our voices. Second to that: our stuff.<br />
<br />
Now that Gavin <i>is </i>playing with many different kinds of toys, it's funny to look back at my perceptions and conclusions. I'm thrilled that he still loves going outside, reading and chasing with us. But I have to admit, a little balance is nice.Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-16370182441354833152013-03-24T20:35:00.001-05:002013-05-25T21:06:19.596-05:00Grocery Store MomentThis is a moment from the past that I really can't believe I haven't recorded until now. It is really not a big deal on the surface, but it was so profound to me.<br />
<br />
Gavin was around 16 months (?), and we were at the grocery store (as you might have guessed from the title). He had already gotten bored with looking at the shelves and holding things for me and was starting to fuss. I pulled one of his favorite books from the diaper bag -- <i>Mealtime</i> -- yes, a book about food, his true love. I turned the book toward him and leaned on the cart with my elbows, so I could push the cart forward while keeping my hands free for turning pages. I continued to shop while I pushed and read, and I got several smiles or looks of amusement from other shoppers. Then we passed a gentleman well-past retirement age who gave us such a wistful look of joy and fondness, I could tell his heart was touched. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I couldn't imagine that he was thinking anything other than about the time in his own life when his children were young. I don't know if, so many years ago, he treasured his time with his kids or wasted it, but it was obvious from the look on his face that he deeply felt the value of it now. And it hit me like a ton of bricks what a special time I am experiencing right now. It made me think that -- though I know the Lord will bring me purpose and joy in all seasons of my life -- there will be a part of me that always longs to come back to this time. And I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks...in the salsa aisle...and the freezer section...and near the olive bar... (so embarrassing). <br />
<br />
<i>(What I'm not saying) </i>Maybe because I waited so long to have a child and found meaning in my Lord and the many things he put before me to be and do before I had Gavin, but I am <b><i>not</i></b> one of those people to tell you that your life cannot be complete without a child in it. Those insinuations were simultaneously heart-breaking and infuriating to me before I had a baby (okay, and after).<br />
<br />
<i>(What I am saying) </i>That one look on a stranger's face brought an enhanced perspective to the mom-journey that I already loved. It is a beautiful picture that I will always treasure. Thank you, stranger. May you be blessed in rich and wonderful ways.Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-79448341487136918682013-03-11T23:14:00.000-05:002013-05-25T21:28:17.496-05:00Random tips for babyWhile tidying our home office, I found this list of random tips I jotted down for moms of infants. Gavin is past this stage, but I thought I would post them anyway. Short and sweet!<br />
<ul>
<li>Cross-body bags are great purses because you can reach down to scoop up your little one without clonking them with your purse, and the bags stay put when toting your sweetie on your hip.</li>
<li>When trying shoes on your tot, have them stand up. The foot fits differently in the shoe when standing than when sitting.</li>
<li>When getting a slippery infant out of the tub, it might help to put a washcloth over each hand to add more traction to your grip. (Pulling Gavin out of the tub always freaked me out. My mom told me this one.) </li>
<li>Speaking of bibs: After your little one grows out of their baby bibs, keep the terrycloth ones in the kitchen to use to wipe their little mouths after meals - better than wasting money/trees on paper towels. (I wish I'd thought of this before I got rid of a bunch of mine...)</li>
<li>Are we still talking about bibs? Before putting those Velcro bibs or sleep-sacks in the laundry, fasten all the Velcro to keep it from snagging those cute baby blankets.</li>
<li>Give that baby an extra kiss. It's true what they say: it goes by so fast.</li>
</ul>
Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-85939791670525653132013-03-07T15:28:00.002-06:002013-05-25T21:13:17.684-05:00Every Age is the Best Age (?)I've probably mentioned it in an earlier post, how some people told me every age is the best age (and how some other people laughed at them). At this point (26 months into my first child), I'm not sure who's right, and the optimist in me <i>wants</i> to believe the former. That said, it's actually hard for me to imagine it getting <i>better</i> than this! ... Oh -- did I forget to tell you to get our your air-sickness bags for this post? Okay, well get them out, but even if you're a cynic, don't stop reading yet. Later, it will be so much more satisfying to point and laugh when you're armed with this ammo.<br />
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Things are far from perfect, but I am loving this age. Two. Yes, I said it. I'm actually starting to feel a little sick to my stomach right now because I know that 27 months, 30 months and so on are going to look very different than 26 months. My mom tells me "terrible threes" were much more a part of my toddler existence than "terrible twos," so, if he's like me, I may have a long time to wait for the other shoe to drop. No matter what may be ahead, I am enjoying these moments so much. It's hard for me to imagine more back-to-back cuteness and hilarity than we are having right now. <br />
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It's been a while (too long) since I wrote a what's-happening-now post, so summarizing is out of the question (too much). Instead, here are snippets. I hope they bring you some joy.<br />
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I love his inflections! They are sounding more and more like (exactly) the way we say things (scary) and less like baby robot talk (monotone phrases). The inflections, oh the inflections! And he sometimes helps us with our "lines" if we're not playing our part correctly (for those of you just tuning in, he's the first-born of two first-borns...) For example, if we help him when he wants to do it himself, he'll say, "Oh! I sorry!" which means, "Mom, Dad, I'm sure you're so sorry you just pulled my jacket off when you should have known I wanted to do it myself. Put it back on, and I'll struggle with it and eventually ask you for help but feel like I did it myself, and then everything will be okay!" <br />
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He is starting to comment on what he's doing. He'll be walking around, "Doo be doo be doo," and then say, "Singing a song." The other day, he was playing close by while I was getting ready, and I heard him say under his breath to himself, "This'll be funny," as he set one car on top of another.<br />
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He is making huge strides with both gross motor skills and singing. Since it's my blog (not my husband's), I'll start by describing...the singing! This is where I wish I had been blogging more often. The progress in his singing over the last few months has been so fun to watch. It's amazing to me how he's gone from singing most of the words to "Twinkle Twinkle" on the same monotone pitch to now singing all the words to several songs and sometimes even matching the up and down of the pitch. A few days ago, I was singing, "She'll be comin' 'round the
mountain," and he started doing the echo he's heard on some recordings,
just out of the blue. Love it! A week or so ago, he made up his own song:<br />
<br />
<i>Old MacDonald had some food.</i><br />
<i>E-i-e-i-o</i><br />
<i>With a yummy, yummy here and a yummy, yummy there...</i><br />
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So, on to gross motor skills. He is "all boy" in this department, (and I am beginning to visualize/dread the day where he scales his crib through sheer will power). In fact, after climbing a challenging structure at our playground, he said, "Gavin is a big kid now." Here are his latest physical toddler feats:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>He is consistently walking the wide beam at our toddler gym with no hands.</li>
<li>With his feet on the low bar of the uneven bars and his hands on the high bar, he can swing down and hang on the low bar without going kersplat.</li>
<li>He is starting to use his feet to do things: close the door, pick up a book, etc. He thinks he's pretty tough.</li>
<li>He is climbing up ladders and other bar-type structures, mostly without giving me heart-failure.</li>
<li>He just loves running, climbing, jumping, and he is always thinking of his next cool trick.</li>
</ul>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimjJE0woyY1Ltqfj_sgLQo5QftDZL0eH0XJq2PBB6kWa2vAlL1-UKeyqeGkLXgn6oexbWzw3oQ677zCf3yj1YcmD2Auv6Y43WowHp8WM2VZs9ypm-WQmc6FPnWbfC_uGLyUW1cQI9ZItk/s1600/photo_a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimjJE0woyY1Ltqfj_sgLQo5QftDZL0eH0XJq2PBB6kWa2vAlL1-UKeyqeGkLXgn6oexbWzw3oQ677zCf3yj1YcmD2Auv6Y43WowHp8WM2VZs9ypm-WQmc6FPnWbfC_uGLyUW1cQI9ZItk/s320/photo_a.jpg" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gavin walking up the mat backwards</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Recently during open gym at our little toddler gym, he got really into passing the ball back and forth with his friend's dad (with <i>his</i> dad standing right there...nope, the all-around athlete/soccer player didn't get his feelings hurt AT ALL). Even though, playing with his own daddy would have been ideal, we were both pretty excited that he was willing to go back and forth with anyone. Prior to that, most ball play was strictly solo despite our best efforts (as in, "Look, guys. I threw that ball, I watched where it landed, I analyzed its every move. Touch it and my day will pretty much be ruined...and so will yours"). Don't worry, Josh didn't stay emotionally injured too long. The next day they were playing ball together. All is right with the world.<br />
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Okay, so is anyone else's kid obsessed with fake crying? We just ended a pretty long phase where he did it a ton! And most of the time, he wasn't necessarily trying to manipulate us; it was like he role-playing or something. Sometimes he would just start fake crying for no apparent reason. Then he would look at me and say in a pathetic tone, "What's the matter?" meaning, "Ask me what's the matter." I would oblige and he'd say, "Gavin crying," in that same tone, complete with cracks in his voice and everything. Whether real or fake crying, he would love to watch himself do it in a mirror. Just our family? Anyone else? <br />
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He is just starting to get into make-believe. A blessing because it is a milestone. A challenge because doing puzzles is so much easier than following a toddler storyline! With make-believe, and with everyday encounters, I hear him using our conversational styles and phrases. At dinner, he asks Josh, "So, how was your day?" or "Have a good work?" Sometimes, he'll ask Millie (our dog) if she had a good breakfast (whether she's moved from her bed yet or not). He tells one of his little bears, "C'mon, let's go over here." <i>Absolutely</i> needless to say, I'm loving it!<br />
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I leave you with this. He's discovered the magic of the phrases "Mommy lets me" and "Daddy lets me" if he's been told "no" by the other parent. (He doesn't have the pronoun thing down yet, so it's actually "Mommy lets you" and "Daddy lets you.") The funny things is, usually, he's telling the absolute truth. (Sometimes daddy is surprised by what daring tricks mommy lets him do. So then we pow-wow and decide on the best [united] course.) <br />
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The dead give-away that Gavin is probably NOT being truthful? He puts on his most earnest, desperate face and uses his favorite catch-all: "Grandpa lets you."<br />
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Of course he does(n't), Sweetie. Of course he does(n't).<br />
<br />Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-82187371620490553962013-01-30T20:11:00.000-06:002013-05-25T21:52:39.535-05:00Little things to help behavior (1.5 to 2 years old)I had to put that little qualifier in the title --1.5 to 2 years old-- because I have a feeling <i>some</i> of these behavior helpers may need some tweaking (or an overhaul) now that Gavin is two. Still, I've been thinking about this post for a long time, and as I reflect back on Gavin's transition from pre-toddler to toddler, I realize that it's a significant span of time in his sweet little life. I'm so thankful I had these tools to help make it more enjoyable. <br />
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So here they are: little things that have helped me direct his behavior in positive ways. Many of them came from <i>On Becoming Pre-Toddlerwise</i> or <i>On Becoming Toddlerwise</i> (Gary Ezzo, MA and Robert Bucknam, MD) or <i>Brain Rules for Babies</i> (John Medina). I think a couple may have come from my own head, but my brain doesn't stay unscrambled for long, so who knows.<br />
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These are little behavior tricks, not a comprehensive plan by any means. I mention that because Ezzo and Bucknam make a good point: it can be tempting to focus on "what" to do about behavior instead of focusing on "why," but the "why" is so important for success in those sticky situations. In addition, Medina's full discussion on the importance of empathy cannot be covered here, but it has changed the tone of many interactions with my toddler and husband. (For more, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=99025501370732785#editor/target=post;postID=3300738844322088342" target="_blank">click here for my book review post</a>.)<br />
<br />
Though I am a clumsy, inexperienced first-time mom, I hope some of these translate to your own experience. And of course, please add your own ideas in the comments section.<br />
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Fold your hands: I read this in Toddlerwise, and I was like, "What?!...yeah, right." They say when your child starts getting fidgety or poking his/her sib at a restaurant, tell them to fold their hands. Their rationale is that children's energy must go somewhere. Just telling them to "calm down" or "stop" doesn't work because they don't have a constructive place to channel their energy. The act of folding their hands is enough redirection of energy to calm them and allow you to give them a constructive instruction before they spiral out of control. And that's the key. You have to do it early, when you first see the signs, not after they've popped their sib or started full-on whining or thrown the crayons -- especially when you're training them to do it. When you're training them, you have to catch it <i>very</i> early, so you can make it seem like a cool new thing, not a punishment. This is to help them control themselves. It should feel good. I think I taught it to Gavin at about 15 months -- it may have been earlier. I had to demonstrate the folding hands, and help him. He looked down at his hands and was like "cool." Sometimes, I would ask him to look at his hands. Sometimes, if I couldn't redirect him to another activity in a timely way like they suggest, I would sing a song ("Mary had a Little Lamb" was particularly mesmerizing to him at that age), or I would say, "I'm going to count to 10 while I wash these blueberries, and I'll be right with you." This tool is not supposed to be used to keep them still and quiet indefinitely -- just enough of a pause to stop the crazy and give sane one more chance.<br />
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Prepare in a matter-of-fact way: I think it was a parent comment in Toddlerwise. A mom said that she prepares her kids to obey by telling them what was going to happen in a matter-of-fact way -- so that when the time to obey comes, it feels to the child(ren) less like an opportunity for a power struggle and more like just-how-things-are. She used the example of being in the mall and telling her kids a few times throughout the trip, "When we leave we're going to stop in the bathroom and go potty," so that by the time they get to that point, they kids were like, "Okay, yeah, that's how it works," rather than "Mommy wants me to do this thing that I don't feel like doing."<br />
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Say yes mommy (yes daddy): This was from Toddlerwise, too. Ezzo and Bucknam make a good point. It's really hard for a child to throw a fit after they've said "Yes, Mommy" (not impossible, but...) Like the two prior tips, this one can't be a tool in a power struggle. It has to be used way before that to work as intended. When I first started teaching Gavin to say it, he was talking, but not always on command, so a lot of times (most of the time), he wouldn't actually say it, but I kept it up thinking at least I was laying the groundwork. At the beginning, I found myself making the mistake of only asking him to say in obviously contentious situations or when he already had resisted me. I tried to train myself to use it in all kinds of situations where I was directing him, so that the very act of saying it wouldn't become another point of contention in and of itself. I wanted him saying it to be something pleasant -- a way for me to know that he heard, understood and was ready to obey. I have to say, I really like the way this one has worked. I also have to say, as he has gotten closer to two, he is practicing the art of ignoring me and/or the ability to say "Yes, Mommy" and still complain or try to negotiate. <br />
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Offer a choice: This is a classic recommendation for toddlers, and there is a reason. It really helps. Pick up any article on the topic, and you will read "make sure all the choices are acceptable." In other words, no matter what they choose, they are accomplishing your goal (do you want to put your shoes on while on the floor or in your chair?) or you are fine with either (do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?). This helps the toddler feel they have control over something. Don't overuse it, though, and at this age, two options are plenty. <br />
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Make it a song: So Gavin, in true toddler form, is opinionated. We both love music, but he's pretty bossy about it. "New song" (translated press skip on Pandora), "just listen" (stop dancing, Mommy), "just Gavin" (don't repeat my improv, mom), "no no" (don't try to cheer me up with singing). This is what I hear most days. So I was shocked to learn that making unpleasant tasks a song kept working after he became a toddler. It ONLY works with fun, very familiar songs. For Gavin, it's Old MacDonald (his favorite), the "goodbye" song we sing at The Little Gym, Mary had a Little Lamb, maybe a few others. I change the lyrics to fit the activity he is fussing about at the moment (usually diaper, changing clothes, brushing teeth) -- something like "Now we're brushing Gavin's teeth e-i-e-i-o." He may be protesting all my efforts to comfort up to that point, but when I start putting silly words to one of his favorite songs, he just looks at me like, "That's funny, Mom." He can't help himself. I think part of the reason it works is he is just listening to see what I'm going to say in between the e-i-e-i-o's.<br />
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Can you...?: I read that with pre-toddlers (and early toddlers), it's all about accomplishment. We all love to see that look on our child's face when they are proud of something they've done. I've found that tapping into that trait when trying to direct behavior really helps. The first time I remember trying it, we were in a public restroom -- one of the places you <i>really </i>don't want your toddler to test you. (What? Don't touch? That sounds fun! Maybe I should also trying lying on the floor.) So I started asking him, "Gavin, can you touch your head? Gavin, do you know where your ears are?" I have to remember to ask it like a challenge, not like a command. It's "can you" and "do you know," not "will you" and "I want you to." Also, I save this one for the important times. I want it to keep working in those public restrooms.<br />
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Empathize: There is a much larger discussion to be had on this topic, which is why I highly recommend <i>Brain Rules for Babies </i>by David Medina. Since this is a "tips" blog and not meant to cover child-rearing philosophies, I will keep it simple (and hope you read the book). When correcting Gavin, I have found it so helpful to empathize first. For example, today we were at the park, and it was time to go. He started asking for one more thing (one more slide, one more swing). I said, "I know it's so fun to stay at the park and play (empathy), but now it's time to go eat dinner (consistency)." I could see his defenses drop, and he was on his way to compliance. My empathy helps him feel heard and also validates his feelings. Toddler feelings are very strong, and though <i>often</i> irrational, they are nonetheless very real to the toddler. It's possible the phrase <i>perception is reality</i> has never been more true. Discounting Gavin's feelings by saying things like, "It's not a big deal -- we can come back tomorrow," or "You should be happy we got to come at all," creates a disconnect rather than inspires trust. When I communicate that I understand how Gavin feels before redirecting his behavior, I see a big difference in how he responds. I know that I am also modeling a very important skill for him -- one that I can definitely use more practice at myself. Oh, and lucky me, since he's now two, I think I'm going to have plenty of opportunities to practice!<br />
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<br />Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-10534378571752304702012-11-10T22:06:00.000-06:002013-05-27T23:41:03.029-05:00Big WeekIt's been a while since I've shared some of Gavin's accomplishments and activities. I have a running list going on some scratch paper, and I can feel that it is about to get lost, so here's what's going on with us.<br />
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Gavin did his first real jump at the beginning of this week. He had been doing the knee-bend/toe-raise thing for a while, but recently I could tell that he was ramping up for the real thing. It's not the biggest milestone ever, but I really wanted to be there when it happened, and I was. And so was Josh.<br />
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At the beginning of this month, we were blessed to run away for a few days to visit some of our dearest friends. They have almost-seven-year-old twins (a boy and a girl) who sing constantly. Their repertoire is a healthy mix of Disney tunes and praise songs. While we were there and after we came back, Gavin would mumble a few notes and then say "song." Too cute! Well, today after a combined birthday party for his cousin and uncle, he sang "Happy Birthday." It was super close to being exactly right. He left off the last line, but, man, it was good. He sang it "to Grandpa" even though only Josh and I were there to hear it. We were SO proud!<br />
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A week that started with jumping and ended with singing...Mommy and Daddy are pretty excited. Here are some other things he's being doing over the past month or so:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>These days, most things are classified as: so fun, so yummy, zoom or pet (like I want to pet the goose). He thinks it's funny to get it wrong as in "helicopter -- so yummy" or "race car -- pet."</li>
<li>Oh, and Daddy taught him "so messy" in a gravelly voice. Gavin thinks it's hilarious. I'm pretty sure that's going to come back to bite us sooner rather than later. </li>
<li>Sometimes he suddenly becomes excited about where we are. He puts both hands in the air and says the name of the place, usually park, restaurant or home.</li>
<li>He can almost count to twenty in English (that pesky fifteen) and to ten in Spanish (darn that nueve). He understands which numbers are bigger (for the most part) as evidenced by the following conversation: Mommy: "Two more Cheerios." Gavin: "Eight more? Nine more? Tennnnn!"</li>
<li>He has held up one finger to signify the number one for a long time, but today he held up two fingers and said, "two." That will come in handy since he is almost two. </li>
<li>He is always experimenting with something, and lately he'll say something in a normal voice, like "Daddy's car," and then try it without final consonants, "Da-Da Caaaaa." Of couse, he likes it when I repeat it and usually tries it a few more times after that.</li>
<li>He first said, "I love you" about five weeks ago, but now he says it often. Love!</li>
</ul>
Here are the current love tags (see blog intro):<br />
Honey Bear, Snuggle, Snuggle Bear, Silly Guy, Pumpkin Pie, Sweetie Pie, Baby Boo Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-43744046979441120642012-10-14T22:56:00.000-05:002013-05-25T21:39:56.179-05:00Travel LeapsMy husband Josh and I are so blessed. We live near amazing family, and we get to visit amazing family in amazing places. If we had it our way, they would all live in one place, but try as we might to orchestrate that, so far our plans for other people's lives have been met with smiles, but no action...(so far...)<br />
<br />
We have been able to travel to Colorado to see Josh's family several times since Gavin was born. The first time, he was only three months old and traveled like a champ. The second time he was seven months old. Being somewhat of an overachiever when it came to separation anxiety (he had it 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after the "normal" range), it was a very stressful trip for him. (My main indicator besides trouble falling asleep had to do with poopy diapers, and trust me, you don't want me to go there.)<br />
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The next time we went was Christmas and New Year's, during which Gavin had his first birthday. He definitely still had trouble sleeping in a new place, but I also noticed something else. It seemed like he was growing up even faster in those two weeks than normal, in a good way. Before we went, he was pulling up every now and then but didn't really seem super interested. While we were there, pulling up and cruising around on the furniture became his new favorite activities. I thought maybe it had something to do with being around cousins closer to his age (3ish as opposed to 6+), but now I'm wondering if it also had something to do with the new place, the new people, the adapting--the traveling in and of itself.<br />
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When I publish this we will have just wrapped up a fall trip to see Colorado family. During the trip, Gavin turned 21 months. It was a great trip. The sleep adjustments went MUCH better (so relieved). The new faces/new places adjustments were somewhat rockier because now that he is older he is even more aware, has more opinions, has more ways to express them, etc. He is in the thick of the struggle between "I do it myself," and "Mommy, don't leave me." Even so, he warmed up to everyone nicely (relative to his extreme shyness), and he'll warm up to them even better the next time (we have a plan).<br />
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Once we were there for several days, I started to notice that developmental acceleration that I noticed during Christmas. The mom in me is relishing it --the doggone cuteness of it all. The scientist in me (which I didn't know existing until I had a kid) is pondering it. First, the cuteness:<br />
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His sense of humor was already coming along quite nicely, but it's taken a big leap. He often would initiate little jokes with Josh and me, and now he is doing it with other adults, even his almost five-year-old cousin. He is stringing even more words together and in even more meaningful ways (and with even more adorable inflection). Physically, he is trying more "stunts." Small things like taking steps down off of bigger curbs, but also big things like we took him to open gym at The Little Gym while on our trip (he goes weekly or more at home), and he wanted to walk the balance beam without holding my hands and did (what!? proud tears!).<br />
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One night was a picture of exactly what I am talking about. After playfully engaging his cousin during dinner, asking to dip his bread in hummus and (correctly) telling Coach (Grandpa) when to stop and go based on the color of the stoplight, he did all the motions to an obscure version of "If You're Happy and You Know It" almost exactly in rhythm.<br />
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Then before bed, he "taught" me how to play the "pretend you're sleeping and then wake up and laugh and snuggle Gavin" game that he and daddy had been playing while I was on a phone call earlier. He also did this pretty amazing thing while we were reading <i>The Eye Book</i>. A couple times recently, Josh and I would read an entire line except the last word and let Gavin fill it in: "They see a ___ (bird). They see a ___ (bed)." Tonight, we did that, and then he did it back to us. <i>He </i>said (in toddler-ease), "Our eyes see ___ (we said nothing, still unsure of what he was doing, so he filled it in for us) blue. Our eyes see...red." (We started catching on.) "They see a..." We blurted out, "Bird," probably more excitedly than when we first did it as kids. He went on, "They see a..." "Bed!" we said. We let out some gentle good-job-buddy's, so as to not frighten him with the cheers that we going on in our heads. This was followed by all manner of silliness and cuddles and (mutual) adoring looks. After he was in bed, I <i>might</i> have been heard saying, "Best. Bedtime. Ever!"<br />
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Okay, so now that I've fully indulged my emotional-mommy side, I'll give my scientist-mommy side (though admittedly much less developed) a turn.<br />
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I think I'm starting to see why these trips stretch him so much, in ways that I never could on my own at home. But it's impossible for me to talk about it without first considering why kids feel so safe with mom and dad. Yes, we've been with them their whole lives, but we also know them intimately in the here and now. We know that "unna" can mean "under," "upside-down," or "Uncle Justin," and we use our context clues to interpret and communicate back with them. We know that they like to get all the cars to the bottom of the ramp before giving one a second run and that they often finish their meal with a few rice puffs. We know. And when it's in our power and their best interest, we accommodate. We are training him, but in some ways, he is training us. In my estimation, that's as it should be. It's the comfort zone.<br />
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It's not like when we're at home, I never take him out of his comfort zone. We experience new places, do play dates, learn lots of new things every day. But traveling is extended time out of the comfort zone. I'm starting to think there's nothing like all of sudden living with a whole lot of new people that your toddler hasn't trained yet. Warm, wonderful, welcoming, affectionate, observant and intuitive people--but still untrained. In this new environment, Gavin encounters a lot of humans with new ideas about how to play, how to joke, and how to do every day things, and I think--in the context of the continuing safe support of mom and dad who know these new people have Gavin's best interests in mind--this is a good thing.<br />
<br />
Like he does with Josh and me, he still tries to ensure his preferences prevail, but he also knows these new people are untrained, so he sometimes tries a new way in spite of his preferences. This is something that I could not artificially manufacture at home without considerable heartache on my part and confusion on his because he knows I am trained. I would not arbitrarily change things up. For a good reason? Yes, I would (a new sleep schedule is necessary, potty-training must ensue, etc.), but because of the bond we have, I wouldn't do it for the sake of shaking things up (maybe that's just me).<br />
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I think this adapting has been good for him. And as he is trying new ways with new people, it seems his mind is somehow opening up in other ways: "I am safe to joke with people who are not mom and dad," "I can do that balance beam with no hands," "I can talk more and longer," etc. I'm not sure how, but I don't think these developmental leaps while traveling are my imagination.<br />
<br />
Of course, they absolutely might be my imagination. As I've mentioned in other posts, this mommy-scientist has a sample size of one, not something from which to draw conclusions. But my sample size of one is plenty enough for me to sit here and ponder my imperfect observations. Enough for me to relish his growth and progress. Enough for me to keep perking up my eyes and ears and heart and keep getting to know him better. Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-90451548256442280452012-09-29T14:44:00.000-05:002013-05-25T21:40:57.934-05:00Gavin's PlaylistMy sweetie loves him some music. He listens intently, and he always has. I can remember as early as four months watching him in the "music trance" as we still call it (at 21 months). For Gavin, music can be a source of comfort, calm, fun, silliness and motivation.<br />
<br />
For a long time, we subsisted on Toddler Pandora (with the exception of the Beatles Lullaby CD that he falls asleep to), but let's face it. Pandora can be glitchy or slow and requires wi-fi, which means in the middle of nowhere, in a basement or on a plane, you are out of luck. As much as I love free, I finally purchased some of our favorite songs and want to share Gavin's very own playlist with you, along with--in true blogger fashion--my opinions about why it's fabulous.<br />
<br />
In no particular order...Gavin's Playlist<br />
<br />
Johnny Bregar's entire <i>Stomp Yer Feet!</i> album which includes great blues-y versions of "If You're Happy...", "Bingo", "Alphabet Song", and lots more.<br />
<br />
Elizabeth Mitchell's versions of "Freight Train", "Little Bird, Little Bird", "Peace Like a River", "Shoo-Fly", "This Little Light of Mine", "You Are My Sunshine", and Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds." I especially love <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Little Sack of Sugar" and "One Day, Two Days..." because the lyrics remind me of an enamored, sleep-deprived parent just overflowing with cuddles and smiles due to pure baby cuteness -- kind of like how the love tags started with Gavin (see blog intro). Her voice is pure but not too sweet. Plus, she often has cute babies singing or talking in the background which Gavin loves. "Car, Car" will be my next download from her.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Sandra McCracken (wife of Derek Webb [now solo artist formerly of Caedmon's Call] and folk rock singer in her own right) put together the Rain for Roots project with several of her friends and released <i>Big Stories for Little Ones</i>. Spiritually-meaningful lyrics put to real music. I sometimes listen to it when Gavin's not around--especially track 2.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Down By the Bay" from the <i>Campfire Sing-Along</i> album by Orange Sherbet and Hot Buttered Rum. A children's song with scat singing. Worth it.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Someone named Ukulele Jim does my very favorite version of "The Wheels on the Bus" (the things I have opinions about now as a mom are kind of ridiculous and rather exhausting, and yet...) It's another one with cute kids singing along, so it's one of Gavin's favorites.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Bob Marley's "One Love/People Get Ready"</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">The Beatles' "Love Me Do" and "Hello, Goodbye"</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Switchfoot's "More Than Fine" -- I just had to. (Love them)</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Caedmon's Call's "The Only One" (People get smarter when they listen to Caedmon's Call)</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Raffi's "Down on Grandpa's Farm" (Gavin's current favorite), "Bananaphone" (pure silliness), "He's Got the Whole World", "Octopus's Garden", and "This Little Light of Mine."</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"You've Got a Friend in Me" by Randy Newman (from Toy Story). Though I love Disney songs, Gavin is not quite into the drama and orchaestral fullness of them. However, he does love this one.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar (from the Juno soundtrack) -- I may never have picked it if not for Toddler Pandora, but it became a favorite of Gavin's, and we like dancing to it.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">If I decide to spend more money, I'll definitely be adding a Jack Johnson and a Frances England or two. </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Now it's your turn. What song(s) would you add? What's your child's current favorite?</span>Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-77398487528652291562012-09-06T13:31:00.001-05:002013-05-25T21:47:12.107-05:00Toddler Language ExplosionBlogging is interesting. My sister-in-law Angie has written a couple thought-provoking posts this summer about her struggle to know how much good and bad to put on her blog and when and how. <a href="http://butcherbunkhouse.blogspot.com/2012/07/only-good.html" target="_blank">(Check her out here.)</a> My "friend" Jen Hatmaker (friend is only in quotes because we haven't met, but I'm pretty sure that I love her enough to make the friendship work even with that minor technicality in play) wrote several stirring, serious, passionate posts in a row only to -- with astounding humor and effectiveness -- relate five normal mundane things that irk her.<a href="http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/09/03/not-a-fan" target="_blank"> (Check her out here.)</a><br />
<br />
Here is part of my favorite paragraph from her recent post, which kind of describes my dilemma in writing this and (sometimes) other posts about Gavin. <br />
<br />
<i>From Jen a few days ago: </i>The downside of being a pretentious ingredient snob is that ... You end up saying
pompous things like, “Grocery store tomatoes are not 1/100th the quality
of my Cherokee Purples in the backyard.” This actually makes people
hate you, like when you complain about shredding cheese and someone says
<i>just buy the preshredded bag</i> and you call it waxy and unacceptable and they are like <i>I kind of wish you were dead." </i><i><br /></i><br />
<br />
When I share victories about Gavin like how he is talking up a storm, I wonder if people are like <i>stop bragging already</i>. Then there are times when I contemplate sharing struggles and questions like... <br />
<br />
when will he stop waking up at 5am already and<br />
can the child <i>never</i> sit in circle time in our mommy-and-me class and<br />
does this mean that he will always be a loner and not function in society? (I was pretty sure that he would start kindergarten being able only to bang toys together and never use them as intended until he proved otherwise. But I obsess, I mean, <i>digress! </i>...Ummmm...)<br />
<br />
I find it difficult to blog about struggles that are not yet resolved. That's what anonymous message boards are for, right? Somewhere between my anxiety about looking clueless (<i>so sad she never properly taught that child to sleep</i>) and my anxiety about looking <b><i>clueless</i></b> (<i>doesn't she know babies that age aren't supposed to do that yet</i>), it's just hard to get it down on the page. BUT I am contemplating thinking about planning to try to be more open about struggles in my blog. (Can you tell I don't feel particularly compelled at the moment?)<br />
<br />
So that's for later. This is for now. Gavin is talking up a storm! Please don't <i>'kind of wish I was dead</i>.<i>'</i><br />
<br />
Gavin has been saying words for quite a while. At about 18 months, there wasn't anything he wouldn't<i> try</i> to say. Then at 19.5 months, he started saying two-word phrases like "big up" (he still loves to step up and down more than just about anything else) and later that week moved on to two-word (what the books call) sentences like "bye dad-dee" and "eat pear." We love it, and he is quite proud of himself!<br />
<br />
Along with his new ability to put words together has also come a new level of jibberish that will soon become intelligible conversation. New intonations, new sounds <b>and a new expectation for us to understand more than we do.</b> You see, his pronunciation is often far from accurate. I have often considered helping those closest to us by charting his "N" words like lunch, down and dinner and his "M" words like balloon and violin and...you get the idea. I remember excitedly texting Josh during his important study session when Gavin went from saying pink (for months pronounced "hum") to pink (pronounced "humnk") to pink ("mink") to pink ("pink") all in a morning. <i>(Aside: even now I'm wondering if you are like </i>doesn't she know that kind of pronunciation is a sign of a learning disability <i>or conversely if you are like </i>duh, all babies do that. <i>Reference crazy-person rant above about blogging struggles.) </i><br />
<br />
Anyway, because he expects us to understand more these days and because--for new words or words with no context--we often don't, his (adorable) little toddler brain has a few go-to ways of dealing with it:<br />
<i> </i><br />
1) <b>Just keep saying it.</b> I can picture his patient, earnest little face now as he thinks to himself <i>C'mon mom, you can do it. Reach back into that rusty brain. Remember, we were talking about this yesterday. Remember. </i>Many times, it will click for me, and I'll know I'm right when he repeats my correct answer with confident approval. Sometimes, he'll even add a <i>yeah </i>which he then tends to follow by <i>yes </i>and <i>uh-huh.</i><br />
2) <b>When possible, point.</b> He'll usually try a couple times without pointing even if the object is right next to him. I love it when the object is not next to him, and he takes those cute pudgy legs over to it and then gently repeatedly points with one finger. <br />
3) <b>Take a better suggestion.</b> If I am guessing, and say something that sounds pretty good to him, he'll sometimes (though much less often than you might think) change his mind. <i>Crackers? Yes, okay mom. Since you're offering.</i><br />
4) <b>Give up.</b> Sometimes, he'll just decide it's not worth it. I'll guess a few times as he stares intently at me, then he'll just calmly look down and go back to what he was doing like <i>Yeah, nevermind...it's really not worth it after all.</i><br />
5) <b>Whine or cry.</b> Thankfully, this doesn't happen often, but he is a toddler after all, and more so every day.<i> </i><br />
<br />
To end this already-too-long post, here are my favorite things he's saying right now. At this point, I am probably the only one still reading, so why not indulge myself?<br />
<br />
scissors -- seh-sehs with equal emphasis on both syllables<br />
olive oil -- he'll say it five different ways in one minute which is part of the cuteness, but it's one of the few times he makes an actual "L" sound instead of a "Y" sound. Usually it comes out ol-oh.<br />
house -- it's spot on but almost a nasal sound<br />
high five dad -- I miss this one about half the time until he patiently helps me catch on, so I don't really know how to describe it.<br />
hug -- an oldie, but a goodie -- he says it like a cross between hug and huck, which is adorable, but it's that sweet face with eyebrows slightly raised and those arms reaching out that make me think <i>I don't care how you say it, baby. Yes, I'll take one of those.</i><br />
<br />Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-99025501370732785.post-10499064368687206872012-09-04T19:40:00.000-05:002013-05-25T21:50:27.793-05:00Milk...it does something...The post below is complete, and now I'm sitting here trying to think of a creative, interesting way to open it. The more I sit here, the more I realize it is pointless to avoid the fact that this is a very technical post -- meant to be one of those that comes alongside another mom to help. Trying to open in a snazzy way is making me cranky (grin). So...I will just say that if you are looking for cute anecdotes about Gavin, stay tuned. In the meantime, please pass this on to a mom that may find it helpful.<br />
<br />
Some of you may remember that we took Gavin off of all dairy in an attempt to reduce or eliminate his breathing issues. Well, it did seem to help with that and also with his sleeping! He went from getting up one or two brief times in the middle of the night (mostly for a re-plug of the pacifier) and also waking early (anywhere from a yucky time like 5 to an acceptable time like 6:30) to not waking at all in the middle of the night and most of the time having a normal wake time (between 6 and 7:30).<br />
<br />
When we relayed our experience to his pediatrician, he seemed intrigued but not at all surprised. He said milk can negatively affect digestion, breathing and even the nervous system--any one of which could have been disrupting his sleep. We are thankful that our pediatrician intentionally integrates nutrition into his practice.<br />
<br />
When jumping into this non-dairy adventure, I read everything I could about how to help him get enough nutrition without whole milk and found everything from "serve your baby a variety of healthy foods, and he/she will be fine" to recommended quantities of fat, protein, calcium and vitamin D and the best ways to get them. Of course, I jumped full in to the latter...<i>bring on the calculations, checklists and overall obsessing!</i><br />
<br />
Our family is far from perfect in this area, and as with everything, you should definitely check with an expert (disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer), but with all the hard work I've done and great resources I've found, I feel compelled to share. <br />
<br />
First, I will share an Excel sheet I created to help me determine how much calcium, fat, and protein Gavin needs at each age. The spreadsheet also contains a list of the major foods we use to get him there with the amounts of each nutrient listed above according to <i>Super Baby Food </i>or the product package itself (if they differed, I used the product package). Second, I will share what a typical day of nutrition might look like for Gavin. I looked everywhere for an example like this and came up with nothing. Like I said, I come at this with no credentials, but I offer this as a starting place for your own researching and planning. Third, I will list my primary sources and how they helped. <br />
<br />
<b>Non-Dairy Nutrition Calculator for Children 1 to 3 Years Old</b><br />
This calculator contains formulas based on nutritional recommendations for children 1 to 3 years old found in the book <i>Super Baby Food</i>. The book itself contains recommendations for children 0-12 months as well. Since this post is particularly for parents who want an alternative to whole milk for their children and since the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends children not drink whole milk before the age of 1 year, I have put only the calculations for that age group to keep things simple.<br />
<br />
To download the chart for your own use, just click the link below. You will be taken to an online version of the chart in Google Docs. You cannot edit the chart online, but you can download it from Google Docs onto your computer to complete for your own child. <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0ApbO-fpWAmGDdEhidHdqaGU2blhjRzZjaEJfNFpMa0E#gid=0" target="_blank">Click here to go to Google Docs to download.</a> (Go to the File Menu in the top left corner and click "download" as Excel or as Open Document.)<br />
<br />
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<br />
<b>A typical day of nutrition for Gavin</b><br />
At the time of this writing, Gavin is 20 months. Keep in mind that he loves and has always loved his food. So, yes, he does eat all of this happily. If your child resists new foods, remember that most kids must sample something 7-10 times before they develop a taste for it. The important thing is to keep offering it. They don't have to eat an entire serving -- just taste it. When we were introducing tahini to Gavin, we planned to mix it into his cereal. We started with a 1 teaspoon mixed in and he did grimace the first few times. Once he was used to that small amount, we slowly worked up to a tablespoon. He gobbles it down now.<br />
<br />
<b>With each meal or snack,</b> we give Gavin almond milk fortified with calcium and other vitamins. It has twice as much calcium as cow's milk but it's not the primary source of his fat or protein, so I'm not insane about him getting a certain number of ounces, but he usually has about 12-15 ounces in a day.<br />
<br />
<b>Breakfast:</b> Some kind of berries and another kind of fruit usually blueberries and mango or strawberries and peaches. Also, his beloved Cheerios(R).<br />
<b>Morning snack:</b> 1/2 piece whole wheat bread (you'll need to check the ingredients if you are eliminating all dairy - some contain whey) with almond butter (about 1T), a small amount of blackstrap molasses and usually either crushed pineapple, sliced banana or applesauce to help the almond butter go down. Also, some kind of fruit cut into bite-sized pieces or applesauce if we're out and about.<br />
<b>Lunch:</b> 1 egg (hardboiled or scrambled), Green veggie like kale or broccoli (about 2T), beans (about 2T), 1 small orange or 1/2 of a large one.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><b>Afternoon snack:</b> Earth's Best oatmeal or Dr. Sears multi-grain cereal (3T) with 1T tahini (raw) and </span><br />
1-1/2 T wheat germ mixed with coconut milk (about 3 oz or to the right consistency). We used to also give an orange veggie like carrots or sweet potatoes, but recently I increased the cereal and saved the orange veggie for dinner. Mostly to make it easier for me -- especially when we're out.<br />
<b>Dinner:</b> Meat or fish (about 2 ounces), orange veggie like carrots or sweet potatoes or winter squash (about 2T), sometimes tomato (about 1T), avocado (1/6 of a small one), 1/2 piece of bread. Recently, I've been concerned about making sure he's getting enough healthy fats, so I let him dip his bread in olive oil with Italian herbs sprinkled in. He loves it, and it is super cute to watch him dip and listen to him try to say olive oil.<br />
<br />
This is just an example. We certainly deviate in one way or another most days, and like I said, we are far from perfect, so I would love to hear your suggestions. Just leave a comment below.<br />
<br />
<b>Sources that were helpful to me</b> <br />
This post would not exist without the book <i>Super Baby Food </i>by Ruth Yaron. It covers nutrition for infants through toddlers, and even though I didn't start reading it until Gavin graduated from purees to finger foods, I cannot overstate its usefulness to me. My favorite features are:<br />
<ul>
<li>A breakdown of how much of the major nutrients a child needs at each age.</li>
<li>A list of almost every fruit and vegetable you can think of and its primary nutrients and preparation tips.</li>
<li>A list of vitamins and minerals and the foods that are highest in them. </li>
<li>A list of super baby enhancers (things you can easily add to cereal or sandwiches to boost nutrition).</li>
<li>Nutrient table with baby-sized portions.</li>
<li>An example of what a-day-in-the-life of her baby's diet looked like (I looked everywhere for this online).</li>
</ul>
The Super Baby Food Diet is lacto-ovo-vegetarian (milk, eggs, veggies, grains). Gavin does eat a little meat, but no dairy, so I was not able to carbon-copy this diet for him, but the resources were a huge help in me piecing together our own thing. (The book does have a chapter on meat for those choosing that route and does not hate on meat-eaters.)<br />
<br />
Another resource that was helpful to me was an article called, "<a href="http://www.justlivewell.com/articles/milk-is-it-really-good-for-our-children/" target="_blank">Is Milk Really Good for Our Children?</a>" With studies quoted from the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Sciences and the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, I found the information helpful. Just keep in mind, the list of calcium sources may or may not be listed in baby-sized portions.<br />
<br />
For questions about foods not on my chart or in your other sources, you can use <a href="http://nutritiondata.self.com/" target="_blank"><i>Self</i>'s Nutrition Data</a>. Just make sure you are adjusting for baby-sized portions.<br />
<br />
Final thoughts: If you have questions about this, I recommend you ask your pediatrician. If you have a question about the chart or our approach with Gavin, please ask it in the comment section below, and I will address it to the best of my ability.Valeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04240011046050695766noreply@blogger.com0