Little things to help behavior (1.5 to 2 years old)

I had to put that little qualifier in the title --1.5 to 2 years old-- because I have a feeling some of these behavior helpers may need some tweaking (or an overhaul) now that Gavin is two. Still, I've been thinking about this post for a long time, and as I reflect back on Gavin's transition from pre-toddler to toddler, I realize that it's a significant span of time in his sweet little life. I'm so thankful I had these tools to help make it more enjoyable.

So here they are: little things that have helped me direct his behavior in positive ways. Many of them came from On Becoming Pre-Toddlerwise or On Becoming Toddlerwise (Gary Ezzo, MA and Robert Bucknam, MD) or Brain Rules for Babies (John Medina). I think a couple may have come from my own head, but my brain doesn't stay unscrambled for long, so who knows.

These are little behavior tricks, not a comprehensive plan by any means. I mention that because Ezzo and Bucknam make a good point: it can be tempting to focus on "what" to do about behavior instead of focusing on "why," but the "why" is so important for success in those sticky situations. In addition, Medina's full discussion on the importance of empathy cannot be covered here, but it has changed the tone of many interactions with my toddler and husband. (For more, click here for my book review post.)

Though I am a clumsy, inexperienced first-time mom, I hope some of these translate to your own experience. And of course, please add your own ideas in the comments section.

Fold your hands: I read this in Toddlerwise, and I was like, "What?!...yeah, right." They say when your child starts getting fidgety or poking his/her sib at a restaurant, tell them to fold their hands. Their rationale is that children's energy must go somewhere. Just telling them to "calm down" or "stop" doesn't work because they don't have a constructive place to channel their energy. The act of folding their hands is enough redirection of energy to calm them and allow you to give them a constructive instruction before they spiral out of control. And that's the key. You have to do it early, when you first see the signs, not after they've popped their sib or started full-on whining or thrown the crayons -- especially when you're training them to do it. When you're training them, you have to catch it very early, so you can make it seem like a cool new thing, not a punishment. This is to help them control themselves. It should feel good. I think I taught it to Gavin at about 15 months -- it may have been earlier. I had to demonstrate the folding hands, and help him. He looked down at his hands and was like "cool." Sometimes, I would ask him to look at his hands. Sometimes, if I couldn't redirect him to another activity in a timely way like they suggest, I would sing a song ("Mary had a Little Lamb" was particularly mesmerizing to him at that age), or I would say, "I'm going to count to 10 while I wash these blueberries, and I'll be right with you." This tool is not supposed to be used to keep them still and quiet indefinitely -- just enough of a pause to stop the crazy and give sane one more chance.

Prepare in a matter-of-fact way: I think it was a parent comment in Toddlerwise. A mom said that she prepares her kids to obey by telling them what was going to happen in a matter-of-fact way -- so that when the time to obey comes, it feels to the child(ren) less like an opportunity for a power struggle and more like just-how-things-are. She used the example of being in the mall and telling her kids a few times throughout the trip, "When we leave we're going to stop in the bathroom and go potty," so that by the time they get to that point, they kids were like, "Okay, yeah, that's how it works," rather than "Mommy wants me to do this thing that I don't feel like doing."

Say yes mommy (yes daddy): This was from Toddlerwise, too. Ezzo and Bucknam make a good point. It's really hard for a child to throw a fit after they've said "Yes, Mommy" (not impossible, but...) Like the two prior tips, this one can't be a tool in a power struggle. It has to be used way before that to work as intended. When I first started teaching Gavin to say it, he was talking, but not always on command, so a lot of times (most of the time), he wouldn't actually say it, but I kept it up thinking at least I was laying the groundwork. At the beginning, I found myself making the mistake of only asking him to say in obviously contentious situations or when he already had resisted me. I tried to train myself to use it in all kinds of situations where I was directing him, so that the very act of saying it wouldn't become another point of contention in and of itself. I wanted him saying it to be something pleasant -- a way for me to know that he heard, understood and was ready to obey. I have to say, I really like the way this one has worked. I also have to say, as he has gotten closer to two, he is practicing the art of ignoring me and/or the ability to say "Yes, Mommy" and still complain or try to negotiate.

Offer a choice: This is a classic recommendation for toddlers, and there is a reason. It really helps. Pick up any article on the topic, and you will read "make sure all the choices are acceptable." In other words, no matter what they choose, they are accomplishing your goal (do you want to put your shoes on while on the floor or in your chair?) or you are fine with either (do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?). This helps the toddler feel they have control over something. Don't overuse it, though, and at this age, two options are plenty.

Make it a song: So Gavin, in true toddler form, is opinionated. We both love music, but he's pretty bossy about it. "New song" (translated press skip on Pandora), "just listen" (stop dancing,  Mommy), "just Gavin" (don't repeat my improv, mom), "no no" (don't try to cheer me up with singing). This is what I hear most days. So I was shocked to learn that making unpleasant tasks a song kept working after he became a toddler. It ONLY works with fun, very familiar songs. For Gavin, it's Old MacDonald (his favorite), the "goodbye" song we sing at The Little Gym, Mary had a Little Lamb, maybe a few others. I change the lyrics to fit the activity he is fussing about at the moment (usually diaper, changing clothes, brushing teeth) -- something like "Now we're brushing Gavin's teeth e-i-e-i-o." He may be protesting all my efforts to comfort up to that point, but when I start putting silly words to one of his favorite songs, he just looks at me like, "That's funny, Mom." He can't help himself. I think part of the reason it works is he is just listening to see what I'm going to say in between the e-i-e-i-o's.


Can you...?: I read that with pre-toddlers (and early toddlers), it's all about accomplishment. We all love to see that look on our child's face when they are proud of something they've done. I've found that tapping into that trait when trying to direct behavior really helps. The first time I remember trying it, we were in a public restroom -- one of the places you really don't want your toddler to test you. (What? Don't touch? That sounds fun! Maybe I should also trying lying on the floor.) So I started asking him, "Gavin, can you touch your head? Gavin, do you know where your ears are?" I have to remember to ask it like a challenge, not like a command. It's "can you" and "do you know," not "will you" and "I want you to." Also, I save this one for the important times. I want it to keep working in those public restrooms.

Empathize: There is a much larger discussion to be had on this topic, which is why I highly recommend Brain Rules for Babies by David Medina. Since this is a "tips" blog and not meant to cover child-rearing philosophies, I will keep it simple (and hope you read the book). When correcting Gavin, I have found it so helpful to empathize first. For example, today we were at the park, and it was time to go. He started asking for one more thing (one more slide, one more swing). I said, "I know it's so fun to stay at the park and play (empathy), but now it's time to go eat dinner (consistency)." I could see his defenses drop, and he was on his way to compliance. My empathy helps him feel heard and also validates his feelings. Toddler feelings are very strong, and though often irrational, they are nonetheless very real to the toddler. It's possible the phrase perception is reality has never been more true. Discounting Gavin's feelings by saying things like, "It's not a big deal -- we can come back tomorrow," or "You should be happy we got to come at all," creates a disconnect rather than inspires trust. When I communicate that I understand how Gavin feels before redirecting his behavior, I see a big difference in how he responds. I know that I am also modeling a very important skill for him -- one that I can definitely use more practice at myself. Oh, and lucky me, since he's now two, I think I'm going to have plenty of opportunities to practice!

Milk...it does something...

The post below is complete, and now I'm sitting here trying to think of a creative, interesting way to open it. The more I sit here, the more I realize it is pointless to avoid the fact that this is a very technical post -- meant to be one of those that comes alongside another mom to help. Trying to open in a snazzy way is making me cranky (grin). So...I will just say that if you are looking for cute anecdotes about Gavin, stay tuned. In the meantime, please pass this on to a mom that may find it helpful.

Some of you may remember that we took Gavin off of all dairy in an attempt to reduce or eliminate his breathing issues. Well, it did seem to help with that and also with his sleeping! He went from getting up one or two brief times in the middle of the night (mostly for a re-plug of the pacifier) and also waking early (anywhere from a yucky time like 5 to an acceptable time like 6:30) to not waking at all in the middle of the night and most of the time having a normal wake time (between 6 and 7:30).

When we relayed our experience to his pediatrician, he seemed intrigued but not at all surprised. He said milk can negatively affect digestion, breathing and even the nervous system--any one of which could have been disrupting his sleep. We are thankful that our pediatrician intentionally integrates nutrition into his practice.

When jumping into this non-dairy adventure, I read everything I could about how to help him get enough nutrition without whole milk and found everything from "serve your baby a variety of healthy foods, and he/she will be fine" to recommended quantities of fat, protein, calcium and vitamin D and the best ways to get them. Of course, I jumped full in to the latter...bring on the calculations, checklists and overall obsessing!

Our family is far from perfect in this area, and as with everything, you should definitely check with an expert (disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer), but with all the hard work I've done and great resources I've found, I feel compelled to share.

First, I will share an Excel sheet I created to help me determine how much calcium, fat, and protein Gavin needs at each age. The spreadsheet also contains a list of the major foods we use to get him there with the amounts of each nutrient listed above according to Super Baby Food or the product package itself (if they differed, I used the product package). Second, I will share what a typical day of nutrition might look like for Gavin. I looked everywhere for an example like this and came up with nothing. Like I said, I come at this with no credentials, but I offer this as a starting place for your own researching and planning. Third, I will list my primary sources and how they helped.

Non-Dairy Nutrition Calculator for Children 1 to 3 Years Old
This calculator contains formulas based on nutritional recommendations for children 1 to 3 years old found in the book Super Baby Food. The book itself contains recommendations for children 0-12 months as well. Since this post is particularly for parents who want an alternative to whole milk for their children and since the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends children not drink whole milk before the age of 1 year, I have put only the calculations for that age group to keep things simple.

To download the chart for your own use, just click the link below. You will be taken to an online version of the chart in Google Docs. You cannot edit the chart online, but you can download it from Google Docs onto your computer to complete for your own child. Click here to go to Google Docs to download. (Go to the File Menu in the top left corner and click "download" as Excel or as Open Document.)

A typical day of nutrition for Gavin
At the time of this writing, Gavin is 20 months. Keep in mind that he loves and has always loved his food. So, yes, he does eat all of this happily. If your child resists new foods, remember that most kids must sample something 7-10 times before they develop a taste for it. The important thing is to keep offering it. They don't have to eat an entire serving -- just taste it. When we were introducing tahini to Gavin, we planned to mix it into his cereal. We started with a 1 teaspoon mixed in and he did grimace the first few times. Once he was used to that small amount, we slowly worked up to a tablespoon. He gobbles it down now.

With each meal or snack, we give Gavin almond milk fortified with calcium and other vitamins. It has twice as much calcium as cow's milk but it's not the primary source of his fat or protein, so I'm not insane about him getting a certain number of ounces, but he usually has about 12-15 ounces in a day.

Breakfast: Some kind of berries and another kind of fruit usually blueberries and mango or strawberries and peaches. Also, his beloved Cheerios(R).
Morning snack: 1/2 piece whole wheat bread (you'll need to check the ingredients if you are eliminating all dairy - some contain whey) with almond butter (about 1T), a small amount of blackstrap molasses and usually either crushed pineapple, sliced banana or applesauce to help the almond butter go down. Also, some kind of fruit cut into bite-sized pieces or applesauce if we're out and about.
Lunch: 1 egg (hardboiled or scrambled), Green veggie like kale or broccoli (about 2T), beans (about 2T), 1 small orange or 1/2 of a large one.
Afternoon snack: Earth's Best oatmeal or Dr. Sears multi-grain cereal (3T) with 1T tahini (raw) and 
1-1/2 T wheat germ mixed with coconut milk (about 3 oz or to the right consistency). We used to also give an orange veggie like carrots or sweet potatoes, but recently I increased the cereal and saved the orange veggie for dinner. Mostly to make it easier for me -- especially when we're out.
Dinner: Meat or fish (about 2 ounces), orange veggie like carrots or sweet potatoes or winter squash (about 2T), sometimes tomato (about 1T), avocado (1/6 of a small one), 1/2 piece of bread. Recently, I've been concerned about making sure he's getting enough healthy fats, so I let him dip his bread in olive oil with Italian herbs sprinkled in. He loves it, and it is super cute to watch him dip and listen to him try to say olive oil.

This is just an example. We certainly deviate in one way or another most days, and like I said, we are far from perfect, so I would love to hear your suggestions. Just leave a comment below.

Sources that were helpful to me
This post would not exist without the book Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. It covers nutrition for infants through toddlers, and even though I didn't start reading it until Gavin graduated from purees to finger foods, I cannot overstate its usefulness to me. My favorite features are:

• A breakdown of how much of the major nutrients a child needs at each age.
• A list of almost every fruit and vegetable you can think of and its primary nutrients and preparation tips.
• A list of vitamins and minerals and the foods that are highest in them.
• A list of super baby enhancers (things you can easily add to cereal or sandwiches to boost nutrition).
• Nutrient table with baby-sized portions.
• An example of what a-day-in-the-life of her baby's diet looked like (I looked everywhere for this online).

The Super Baby Food Diet is lacto-ovo-vegetarian (milk, eggs, veggies, grains). Gavin does eat a little meat, but no dairy, so I was not able to carbon-copy this diet for him, but the resources were a huge help in me piecing together our own thing. (The book does have a chapter on meat for those choosing that route and does not hate on meat-eaters.)

Another resource that was helpful to me was an article called, "Is Milk Really Good for Our Children?" With studies quoted from the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Sciences and the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, I found the information helpful. Just keep in mind, the list of calcium sources may or may not be listed in baby-sized portions.

For questions about foods not on my chart or in your other sources, you can use Self's Nutrition Data. Just make sure you are adjusting for baby-sized portions.

Final thoughts: If you have questions about this, I recommend you ask your pediatrician. If you have a question about the chart or our approach with Gavin, please ask it in the comment section below, and I will address it to the best of my ability.

Six reflections on pregnancy and the newborn days from this "poor little heady"

My friend's husband has this phrase he uses for her when she's over-analyzed something or honed in on a detail that no one else would notice or just thought too deeply about something that others would gloss over. "Poor Little Heady." I wish you could see the silly way he strokes her hair and looks at her when he says it. It's pretty adorable and pretty true most of the time.

But I have to admit there have been times when (after picking up this phrase from our friend) my husband has used it to describe me. And this blog post might have an element of "poor little heady."

Below are six brief reflections on my pregnancy and my early days as a mom. And while I mean every word, I don't want you to think I'm taking any of these too seriously. I am not saying any of these things made me a good or bad mom or that they made any material difference to anyone but me. Because, after all, sometimes I can have a poor little heady that thinks about things..., well, just because it's always thinking about things.

Three things I'm glad I did when I was pregnant (you know aside from the serious things like eating right and avoiding skydiving):

• Sing. Not only that, but I'm glad I sang the same song. My husband read in the Brain Rules for Babies that songs babies hear often in the womb sound familiar to them even after they are born. So I wanted to pick the perfect song for him to remember. One that I would not get tired of singing. One that had lyrics about God and love. Based on my introduction, you shouldn't be surprised to know that I actually put a lot of thought into this. I picked just one song to sing because music is really important to me -- at the time I was singing on the praise team at my church -- and it's always around me. I thought that since he would be hearing so many different songs, I wanted one to stand out. I picked what I call the campfire version of Jesus Loves Me/Amazing Grace, which I come to learn is Paul Colman's Medley of Amazing Grace and Jesus Loves Me. It's a beautiful, lyrical version, and I continued to sing it after he was born. It was one of the songs that comforted him in his early life. There were times when I sang it and I could swear there was a look of recognition on his face (kind of like a tiny, pleasant double take). I'm sure the look of recognition was my imagination, but it still made me happy to know we had been bonding with that song since he was in the womb.
• Pregnancy Journal. My husband and I waited almost 10 years before we started trying to get pregnant. I had no idea how the pregnancy would go because I had some health issues (that actually miraculously got better with the pregnancy). I was already 33 when we got pregnant. I just had the sense that, "I'm not sure if I will ever get to do this again," so I wanted to take time to reflect and to have a way to remember. Though my reasons were serious and sweet, the journal I chose was lighthearted and silly. It's called The Belly Book, and though there are places to record serious reflections, it also includes questions such as, "When you were in the womb, I thought you were: ___ a girl, ___ a boy, ___ a boxer. The funny little questions helped get my journaling juices flowing. There are places for pictures of the growing belly, places to record stats from the doctor visits and more. I love that I have that keepsake of such as special time.
• Cord Blood Banking. I hope we never need it, but I am glad that we did it. If you are considering it, just remember to order the free kit well before you think you'll need it, so your blood pressure doesn't go up with the thought, "Oh no, what if he/she is early, and I haven't done this yet." Not that I'm speaking from experience...no...I've just heard that can sometimes happen...

Three things I wish I had done when Gavin was tiny:

• More skin-to-skin. Everyone from doctors to granola mamas cite the benefits of skin-to-skin contact between mom and baby, as well as dad and baby. I was excited about this extra way to bond. Both Josh and I had skin-to-skin time with him when he was a newborn before and during that first nursing session. I also did it a few other times (like when he had wet his clothes and it was getting too close to feeding time for me to fuss with putting new clothes on him right away or when I got out of the shower just in time and nursed him in my robe) but, frankly, since it was winter (and I am cold-natured) and since I was a new mom (and pretty overwhelmed with the clip at which that little guy needed food) and since I was still healing (from delivering his darling little head that was turned the wrong direction), I have to admit: at the time, the thought of adding one more step by undressing him and/or me was just a little more than I wanted to do. Still, I wish I had done it a few more times. Not because I don't feel that we are plenty bonded and not because I think there is something in his development that is lacking, but just because he was only tiny once, and those times we were skin-to-skin were pretty special.
• Sign up for Huggies and Pampers rewards. Okay, this is silly, but true. Now that I am collecting points for ALL the diapers and wipes that we use, I am thinking of ALLLLLL the points I threw away. Again, not that I really could have added one more thing to my plate in those early days, but it sure would have been nice to have saved them to enter later...
• Floss my teeth every day (like I used to). This may sound silly or nerdy, but I am dead serious about this one. After Gavin was born, it was definitely one of the things I let go. But if someone had told me that at that next dentist appointment after delivery, the dentist would discover my first-ever cavity which would be followed by my first-ever root canal, I would have stayed up the extra minute to take care of it. When they discovered it, I told my boss, and she said, "Oh yeah, I should have thought to tell you that the baby can steal your calcium and make you more vulnerable to stuff like that." The cavity had extra opportunity to grow undetected since pregnant women can't have X-rays. Now, the root canal wasn't actually that bad -- I was as shocked as anyone. It was more the idea that, for so long, I had all of my teeth, and then I had to say goodbye to one of them. It was actually very sad. See what I mean...Poor Little Heady...

We Don't Know What We Don't Know (Baby Books We Love)

A wonderful parent with another on the way recently asked me for a list of books that I like. I thought I would post it here, too.

As new parents, we asked our veteran-parent-friends for book recommendations and scouted some out on our own. This is the list of the ones we love and why. I know that some people have strong feelings for or against some of these, but we've been blessed by taking something from all of them as we find our way. These reviews are far from academic, but I hope they help you choose some baby reading material that's right for you. The books reviewed below are: Brain Rules for Baby (really for kids 0 to 5 years), Shepherding a Child’s Heart, On Becoming Babywise and Babywise for the Pre-toddler, The Baby Book, The No Cry Sleep Solution, and The Happiest Baby on the Block. (P.S. I saved the shortest material [actually a DVD] with the quickest return on your investment for last.) Enjoy -- and I'd love to know what has helped you, too!

Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five
John Medina

A smart baby, a happy baby, a well-behaved baby. Certainly these are the dearest hopes of most parents. This book shares research on how to increase the chances that those hopes will be realized. When I say research, I mean rigorous research. In the author's words, "To gain my trust, research must pass my 'grump factor.' To make it into this book, studies must first have been published in the refereed literature and then successfully replicated. Some results have been confirmed dozens of times."

And yet--though it's saturated in research--it's NOT boring. I'm quite addicted to it, and I'm not a big reader. My husband actually started reading this and turned me onto it, and I love that he read it rather than let me summarize it for him because there is a lot in there for both of us and sometimes it's easier to hear it from a researcher or just about anyone other than someone who is close to you...you know it's true. Though, in the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that I did not join Josh in reading this one until after Gavin was born so I DID let him summarize the pregnancy chapter for me as he went and then picked up reading the book from that point forward after Gavin was born. I did not go back and read the pregnancy chapter for the purpose of this review, but the parts he told me about were very helpful. 

I also want to make an aside here. Even though I love the book and I've even been heard commenting that our world would have a lot fewer problems if everyone read this book when they got pregnant, I do not agree with the author's assertions about evolution and where morality comes from. The author uses evolution to explain many survival instincts, the fascinating ways our brains our wired before birth, moral codes and a host of other things. Though his views may seem to make sense to a point, even he alludes to the fact that evolution cannot explain everything scientists have discovered about babies. After citing several examples of what babies can do, he says, "Those are just two examples illustrating that infants come equipped with an amazing array of cognitive abilities—and are blessed with many intellectual gadgets capable of extending those abilities." Then he gives a few more examples such as they can "understand that size stays constant even when distance changes the appearance of size" and "discriminate human faces from nonhuman faces at birth and seem to prefer [human ones]." He then says, "How did babies acquire all of this knowledge before being exposed to the planet? Nobody knows, but they have it, and they put it to good use with astonishing speed and insight" (p. 65).

These things CAN be explained apart from (and even better than) by evolution with the belief that a caring creator designed it this way on purpose. After all, he wants us to survive, to have the thinking processes we need, to have a moral code and all of those things that evolution is credited with in this book. But he can also do the mysterious like equip a baby as young as 42 minutes old to imitate someone sticking his tongue out. Yes, there is a study about that in the book (and other such interesting and quirky ones). Yes, I do disagree with the author on some things. Yes, I am still HIGHLY recommending this book and think that most people can get a lot out of it no matter their beliefs.

To that, I'll add: to breed something in your children more deep than good behavior, I strongly recommend supplementing the section of this book on "moral baby" by reading Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart, which (not coincidentally) is the next review.

Shepherding A Child's Heart
Ted Tripp

Ted Tripp addresses many of the perplexing parts of parenting in a fresh new way. He frames discipline as more than raising children that are "good," and he frames relating to children as more than sacrificing discipline to be their "buddy." He provides guidance for influencing a child's heart, so that their "good" actions are a true outpouring of a heart that is right, and so that even as they outgrow their parents' authority, they do not leave the protection of their wisdom. Great for parents with kids at home - no matter their age!

On Becoming Baby Wise (and Baby Wise for the Pre-Toddler)

Gary Ezzo, M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D.

When one of my dearest friends came to stay when Gavin was 2½ weeks, she mentioned that they didn’t put their babies to sleep right after nursing, so the babies would get used to sleeping on their own without needing nursed. Hmmm…baby falling asleep without my help. Even in my sleep-deprived state (or should I say – especially), I was intrigued. She went on to say that they followed a sleep, eat, wake, sleep, eat, wake cycle. Where – I asked – did they learn of such a thing? Well, I’m not sure how, but I’m probably the only person that hadn’t heard of “Baby Wise,” but I promptly ordered it from Amazon and started digesting it.

Josh and I found the book so, so helpful. It is aimed at helping your baby have healthy sleep cycles, but also discusses so much more such as monitoring your baby’s growth, feeding and other parenting tips. In order to create healthy sleep, it teaches you how to get you baby on a feeding schedule that is still based off of his/her cues and provides flexibility to break the schedule to meet the baby’s needs without starting over. Gavin took to it very well, and it was great for us Type A’s to not feel so directionless day in and day out. He did take longer than the averages in the book to get to 10-12 hours sleeping per night. Part of that may have been that we were putting him to bed too late, but he’s also a hungry, hungry boy. Still, we are convinced that this was the best thing for Gavin and for us.

We did not do the Cry-It-Out method. That part was not for us. We were blessed that Gavin was very good at soothing himself to sleep, especially before the 6ish month separation anxiety started, so we never felt like we had to. When it got harder for him to soothe himself, we adopted a lot of the techniques in the “No Cry Sleep Solution” (see below).

Once we exhausted the techniques in Baby Wise, we moved on to Baby Wise for the Pre-Toddler. It has great information on introducing solids, high chair manners and further sleep tips. I also found a popular blog called “Chronicles of a Baby Wise Mom,” which provided a lot more examples and explanations than were in the book.

The Baby Book
William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N.

Written by a pediatrician and a nurse with eight children of their own, this book is extremely comprehensive covering everything from setting up a nursery to nutrition to sleep to common concerns and more. The book is written from an "attachment parenting" perspective, which the first chapter explains well.

We found parts of this book very helpful. Some parts were not right for our family (co-sleeping, baby-wearing [Gavin didn't like it], drug-free birth [hmmm...eight minute contractions, please pass the epidural]). But other parts provided a lot of valuable insight and are discussed below. On some topics, we had already had plenty of support and training, so we skipped those parts.

The parts about bonding and reading your child's cues provided a lot of insight to me as a new mother. There is a section on common concerns; it's great because it tells you when you might see a weird rash or eye secretions or a certain behavior and whether it's normal or not and when you can expect it to go away. The parts about breastfeeding personalities and behaviors and relieving baby's gas are near and dear to our hearts because we had a lot of problems with both.

I am still working my way through it and using it as a sort of encyclopedia -- looking up topics as needed. I am looking forward to reading more about nutrition (which the book addresses through the toddler years), developmental stages, health maintenance, toddler behaviors and of course potty training (eventually).


The No Cry Sleep Solution
Elizabeth Pantley


I didn't read this one right at first because he was good at putting himself to sleep. He tended to have burps get stuck and still does. That keeps him from putting himself to sleep, which leads to us going back in and trying to burp him, and then lay him down and convince him that it really is time for a nap. All of that to say, at the beginning that was our main problem, but other than that, he was really good at falling asleep peacefully on his own. But then he started going through the normal separation anxiety at about five and a half months -- right when we went on a nearly-two-week trip to Colorado (enter another variable: different altitude). He was pretty shaken up by all of that change, and his angst came out the most when it was nap time.

When we were trying to help him regain his good sleep habits, we knew we did not want to do "Cry It Out," but all of our normal procedures and tricks were not enough. I found this book very helpful! I scanned the first few chapters, rather than read them, because most of the information seemed similar to what I found in Baby Wise -- baby's schedule, the importance of the right kind of sleep, how eating affects sleeping, etc. There are other parts I skipped because we were already doing them (we kept meticulous logs) or they no longer applied (he was older than four months, so we skipped that section). I did not go back and read them for the purpose of this review.

Rather than try to summarize, here are some bullet points listing what I like most:

• Chart of average daytime and nighttime sleep for babies
• Tips for reading baby's cues
• Ideas for bedtime routines, nap routines and the best time to put baby to bed (early)
  
• Strategies for resettling a night-waking baby
• "Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan" (helping break suck to sleep association  whether breast, bottle or pacifier)
• Lots of ideas for creating a down-to-sleep or back-to-sleep plan
• And much more...including great tips for older babies (up to two years). I, of course, have not tried these, but they seem really great.
  

The Happiest Baby on the Block (DVD)
Harvey Karp, M.D.

Dr. Karp is like a baby whisperer! He demonstrates five strategies for settling a fussy newborn (0-3 months) based on what comforts them in the womb. It's pretty amazing! A friend let us borrow their copy, and we loved it so much that we bought our own to loan and/or show to friends and family. In the first three months of his life, if Gavin fussed or cried when people were over, my husband would say, "Watch this!" and do the five steps (which takes about 45 seconds or less) or sometimes just two or three of the steps, and Gavin would almost immediately settle 99.9% of the time. It was amazing and such a blessing!

As I said in the introduction, we found it helpful to take things from each of these resources, and I hope you do, too. I also would love to know what resources helped you, so please share them here.