For the love (and letting go) of the pacifier: Part 3

Other than my typing, the only sound I hear right now is my dog snoring.

Um...So what???

So this: My son is silent...asleep...without a pacifier...like a big boy.

So...I will bask in the joy of this milestone a few moments longer. It is absolutely in my nature to spend time and energy thinking, praying, worrying, earnestly praying, planning, fretting, remembering to pray again (you get the idea), but then when the problem is solved, the result is good, the prayer is answered like I had hoped...I say a quick "thanks" or an excited "yes!!!" and move on to fret about the next thing. SO in my nature.

No, I need to spend as much time enjoying the moment as I do planning for it and as much energy saying thank you as I do making requests. (Inhale...Exhale...)

When I last posted, I was anticipating a second try at laying him down for a nap without Daddy and without a pacifier (the first try was a disaster). Anticipating may be too kind a word (see above list...planning, fretting, remembering to pray again). I was playing it out in my mind all morning, and I wasn't feeling it. His urge to get sympathy from me is so strong right now that though he had gone down great for Daddy, Aunt Andrea and then Daddy and me together, I just had the feeling he was going to try to pull something. What incentive did he have not to?

But I had an ace up my sleeve. I decided if it was going to work, I had to use it preemptively -- I couldn't wait to see if he would be fine without it. Now, it wasn't a completely foolproof plan because it involved some delayed gratification, which is very tricky at this age. However, I knew this particular incentive was huge for him, so I thought I would give it a try.

He had been asking to go to his friend Madeleine's house for several days. Gavin knows Madeleine from church. She is a very mature and sweet 7. She apparently has that "it" factor for toddler and preschool boys. I think it has something to do with the fact that she pays attention to them and talks to them and (at our most recent play date) develops lesson plans for them compete with games and hands-on activities. Are you getting the picture here? According to her mom, she doesn't mind that the toddlers follow her around and hang on her every word (read: she likes it). She plays great with Gavin, so I like it, too.

Though he didn't know when, he knew we were going to her house soon. So at lunch, I pulled out the calendar and drew a heart on Thursday (today is Tuesday) and told him that we were going to Madeleine's house in a couple days, but first he had to lie down and take a nap like a big boy with no crying. I showed him how many days away it was, and I was clear that we were not going when he woke up -- we would go in two days. But first he had to lay down like a big boy. He seemed convinced immediately, and I could tell it wasn't one of those I'll-placate-Mommy-now-but-I-am-already-making-plans-to-rebel moments. I think he really intended to do it.

Of course, intending and doing are two entirely different things. When I was laying him down, he did start to insist on a pacifier and feign apathy about Madeleine's house, but I very quickly reminded him of our plan, repositioned him, said I loved him and walked out. No tears. Woohoo!!!

It took him forever to fall asleep! But no tears. Some of my friends who had been praying were texting and emailing with me while I waited, and of course, I was sending updates to Josh. When Gavin finally got quiet and fell asleep -- I am not going to lie -- a few happy tears escaped my eyes.

He's been doing great ever since (a whole one day, but I'm optimistic). We are still dealing with cranky mornings, but once we start breakfast, he's usually good. I hope we get back to morning cuddles and smiles soon.

Thanks for coming along with us on this journey to a life without paci. Not that I don't love you and everything, but I think you'll understand when I say -- I'm glad it was a short one.

Other posts in this series: Part 1 and Part 2

For the love (and letting go) of the pacifier: Part 2

In Part 1 of this short series, I talked about how I prepared to help Gavin say farewell pacifier. But the initiation of our "You're a Big Boy Now" Campaign actually started with Gavin. A month or so ago, my mom had told him that soon he would be old enough to say goodbye to his pacifier and give it to a baby. He mentioned it every now and then, and one morning, out of the blue, he said he wanted to give them to the babies now. After expressing interest and reserved pleasure, I asked if he was ready to take a nap without his pacifier. He thought about it and said, "I give them to the babies later." Even though he wasn't actually ready, he brought it up without any prompting, so I thought -- maybe this is a good time.

A few days later, when I told Gavin I had gotten some books about pacifiers from the library, he came over in a trance-like state. Did I mention he loves his pacifier?

I was thrilled that Gavin liked Bye-Bye Binky. Overall, it's a cute book. When Nori, the main character, loses his pacifier, his friends find it in various places (unbeknownst to him) and think it is something else -- a ring, a hair clip, a swing, etc. When the protagonist finally gets it back, he realizes he doesn't need it anymore, ties it to a balloon and lets it go. The story is light, fun and lets parents fill in the blanks of their child's specific situation. I don't quite get the part about the curly-tail catapult, but okay -- whatever.

So we started talking about how he is a big boy and how it's time to say bye-bye to his pacifier, so his teeth would stay nice. We brought out a calendar on which I had highlighted the next three days. We said, "This square is today. This square is tomorrow. Each square is a day. Today is over. Let's check it off. Can you help me make a check?" He thought that was so cool. Then I pointed to the highlighted days and said, "You can pick one of these days to say bye-bye to your pacifier. Do you want to pick tomorrow, the next day or the next day?" Wisely he chose the day furthest away, which worked well with my plan because it was a Friday. Each night we would check off the day and talk about what would happen on Friday. He smiled every time he said, "I'm gonna say bye-bye my pacifier." I knew the tears would come regardless, but as I said in the last post, I wanted him to feel positive, prepared and supported.

Enter the moral compromise of the story: Gavin wanted to say bye-bye to his pacifier by letting it go up with a balloon -- like Nori in the book -- and we said yes. Ugh, I can't believe we did that. We really do love birds and the environment and everything. I guess desperate parents + a possible way out = poor judgment. Don't worry, it all works out for the birds in the end. Keep reading.

The next day we read the book more and also watched part of the Elmo video (Bye-Bye Pacifier: Big Kid Stories with Elmo). I thought the story in the video was drawn out and rather tedious. It may be interesting for parents or kids with longer attention spans because it explains all the ways Elmo tried to get rid of his pacifier and what finally worked. I knew there was no way he would sit through the entire thing, so I just played the song and portion of the story that described the final solution. It's a cute, catchy song with elements of empathy and reasoning. It got stuck in my head for way too many hours.

When Friday came, the three of us went to buy some helium balloons. That was fun in itself! We got four balloons for the two pacifiers and two for him to play with after the lift-off.

We decided to do it at home in our backyard (fewer witnesses for our environmental folly). We let Gavin hold them, and say, “Bye-bye! I’m a big boy now.” He let them go, and they flew over the fence...

...right into the neighbor’s very tall tree.

Hmmm…Gavin looked up. There are the balloons. There are the pacifiers. Not quite the climactic moment we were envisioning. Thankfully, he was so excited about being a big boy, it did not ruin the plan. He just looked up every now and then and said, "I'm a big boy now. I said bye-bye to my pacifiers." He played in the backyard while Josh and I argued with whispers and facial expressions about whether or not we should get them down. I was against. (He’ll be fine. We don’t have anything that will reach. I’ll tell him the squirrels will use them for their nest. I don’t want you to fall and break your neck. It’s so hot and humid that we hardly go in the backyard!) Josh was for. (If he wakes up and sees them there, all bets are off.) Josh was right.

Without going into detail, let me just say he got them down using all the mechanical engineering skills you’d expect from a sociology major (his words not mine). So it was a happy ending for the birds and the environment (and our backyard neighbors). Once rescued from the tree, we had to kill four innocent balloons. Tragic, I know, but they had served their purpose, and we couldn’t very well have them floating around the house the next day. No, they had to go. We did suck the helium for fun. Total sidebar: Josh’s voice is not affected by helium. I’m thinking about checking the color of his blood. (Cue Twilight Zone theme.)

When we started our before-bed stories, Gavin asked for his pacifier out of habit. We reminded him that he is a big boy now, and we said bye-bye to them. That went fine until it was actually time to lie down. He protested and whined and whimpered. We gave one more hug, and he lay down, but not more than a minute after we left the room, he started whimpering again. We let him go for five minutes, and then Josh went in, assured him and left. (We decided on Josh going because before we left the room it was obvious that he was trying to get sympathy from me.) We didn't hear another peep from him. Overall, pretty good! We were pleased.

In the mornings, we usually cuddle in the glider before starting our day. He woke up asking for his pacifier and would not be comforted -- even by Daddy! No cuddling today. Good thing I had those new hot wheels cars. Instant mood changer!

Naptime Saturday was harder. He didn’t want to lie down. We let him cry for 10 minutes. Josh went in, settled him and left. No problem. Repeat at bedtime that night.

Naptime Sunday was a different story. Josh left in the afternoon to work on his dissertation, and I had nap duty by myself. When I left the room, he started crying. I was going to let him cry for 10 minutes and go in to reassure and then leave again, but at 8 minutes he got quiet – the miracle I was praying for! Just when I started to feel sad that he had cried himself to sleep, I hear him. Is that whimpering, humming, singing? It was hard to tell. After a while, it escalated. I went in, reassured, left – further escalation. Rinse and repeat. At some point, Gavin decided forget sympathy, I’m going for all out autonomy – no nap today. I called Josh to ask him to come home. My hero came in, calmed him for two minutes, left the room. Silence. Sleep. Nap ensues. Thank you, Lord.

So at this point, I’m low. Very low. I knew there would be tears, but not this. And it seemed like it was becoming a pattern. I knew it couldn't last forever, but how long? My friends said three days -- that's tomorrow! It doesn't seem like it's going to be better tomorrow. Ugh! What to do?!

So I prayed and thought. I was in the same turmoil as when he'd go through sleep transitions (rebellions) in his newborn days, so why not use the same plan? Make someone else do it until his habit changes. Unfortunately, I was the catalyst for the crying and protesting, so I decided it was best to remove myself from the equation for a few days. (Yes, I know how blessed I am to have help -- believe me, I do.) So my new plan was: Sunday night, Josh does bedtime with Gavin solo. Monday, he naps at my sister’s house while I work.

Both Sunday night and Monday afternoon went great (yay!!!) -- not a single tear. Monday night I decided Josh and I would do bedtime with him together like normal. We had a very fun bedtime. He was in a good mood. I was feeling it. It was going to work. Then after I laid him in the crib, he was like, "Wait! Mom's here. I should see how far I can take this." I firmly reassured him, and Josh gave him his blankets and bears. I know Daddy being there helped interrupt the downward spiral. "Sweet dreams" were exchanged, and we were out. No crying! Hallelujah!

So I sit here and type, moments away from a celebratory froyo. My next big hurdle is laying him down by myself with no crying (his crying or mine), which I will have the...excitement...of doing tomorrow, and at naptime nonetheless. I am hopeful for a good result. I'll let you know.

Other posts in this series include: Part 1 and Part 3

For the love (and letting go) of the pacifier: Part 1

This story begins early one winter morning when Gavin was less than two weeks old. My mom had come over to help and let Josh rest. Gavin had just nursed but was still very fussy. We tried every soothing technique we knew. And then I just did it. I grabbed the pacifier the hospital had given us and popped it right in his mouth.

Now we had been trying to wait on this step as long as possible -- so as not to introduce nipple confusion. We knew it was just a matter of time before we'd give it a shot. This child had such a strong sucking reflex and a strong mouth. Oh yes, a pacifier was in his future. It was only a question of when.

When Josh woke up later that morning, he was surprised to see Gavin with a pacifier (which he later insisted that we never call paci or binky or anything else). I just said, "We decided we're doing the pacifier now." He looked confused like maybe he was so sleep-deprived that he forgot that entire conversation. No honey, not you-and-I "we." Me-and-my-accomplice "we."

And so it began. Pacifier. I'm a fan.

But we knew the time would come when we would have to wean him off of it -- a day I was dreading. Somewhere around 18 months we made the slow but pretty easy transition to keeping it in the crib and only using it for sleeping. Our doctor said he could sleep with it until age 3, but my friend cautioned me about waiting too long because she said if he's not physically desperate for a nap, he may start dropping his nap when his comfort item is taken away. I am interested in keeping the nap as long as possible, so upon this advice, I started thinking about how we would wean him. A few months later, after he turned two-and-a-half, we decided it was time.

I knew there was probably no way to avoid the tears, but I also didn't want to spring it on him one night. I wanted him to feel positive, prepared and supported. (And just in case you were wondering -- no, he is not the kid that is just going to give it up one day on his own. I wish. He loves this thing. He is not attached to any other object.)

Gavin loves books, and he is pretty suggestible if the idea comes from a book, so I started reading reviews for every pacifier book I could find. Based on what I found, it seemed most of them spent a good deal of time helping the child limit pacifier usage only to sleepy times. Well, we were already there, so I kept looking. The only one I found that really seemed to meet our needs was Bye-Bye Binky by Brigette Weninger. Unfortunately it was out of print and going for $49 or more on Amazon and auction sites. (When I was lamenting this to my parents, my so-sweet, very-frugal dad blurted out: "Fifty bucks! Give me that pacifier. He'll only cry for a day." Ha ha -- funny dad.) Thankfully, I found it for free at our local library. (While I was there I also got Little Bunny's Pacifier Plan. Gavin never wanted to read it, but it seemed to coincide well enough with our situation that I gave it a shot.)

I also bought my first kid's DVD: Bye-Bye Pacifier - Big Kid Stories with Elmo. Before this video, Gavin still hadn't really watched TV yet. We originally chose not to introduce TV before age two based on Brain Rules for Babies (see my take on the book here), but then after he turned two, I just never made time to look into what shows I wanted to him to watch, and he never seemed interested, so we never made it a priority. Anyway, I thought this video would be a special treat.

The last couple things in my arsenal: pictures of Gavin's slightly older friends who had given up their pacifiers already (before and after pics), a pack of hot wheels cars I had picked up at a resale shop and a calendar with markers.

See how it all comes together and then falls apart and then (hopefully) comes together in the end, as this short series continues. (You can subscribe by email or to the RSS feed or follow me on twitter @valerie_e.)

Other posts in this series: Part 2 and Part 3

Random tips for baby

While tidying our home office, I found this list of random tips I jotted down for moms of infants. Gavin is past this stage, but I thought I would post them anyway. Short and sweet!

• Cross-body bags are great purses because you can reach down to scoop up your little one without clonking them with your purse, and the bags stay put when toting your sweetie on your hip.
• When trying shoes on your tot, have them stand up. The foot fits differently in the shoe when standing than when sitting.
• When getting a slippery infant out of the tub, it might help to put a washcloth over each hand to add more traction to your grip. (Pulling Gavin out of the tub always freaked me out. My mom told me this one.) 
• Speaking of bibs: After your little one grows out of their baby bibs, keep the terrycloth ones in the kitchen to use to wipe their little mouths after meals - better than wasting money/trees on paper towels. (I wish I'd thought of this before I got rid of a bunch of mine...)
• Are we still talking about bibs? Before putting those Velcro bibs or sleep-sacks in the laundry, fasten all the Velcro to keep it from snagging those cute baby blankets.
• Give that baby an extra kiss. It's true what they say: it goes by so fast.

Little things to help behavior (1.5 to 2 years old)

I had to put that little qualifier in the title --1.5 to 2 years old-- because I have a feeling some of these behavior helpers may need some tweaking (or an overhaul) now that Gavin is two. Still, I've been thinking about this post for a long time, and as I reflect back on Gavin's transition from pre-toddler to toddler, I realize that it's a significant span of time in his sweet little life. I'm so thankful I had these tools to help make it more enjoyable.

So here they are: little things that have helped me direct his behavior in positive ways. Many of them came from On Becoming Pre-Toddlerwise or On Becoming Toddlerwise (Gary Ezzo, MA and Robert Bucknam, MD) or Brain Rules for Babies (John Medina). I think a couple may have come from my own head, but my brain doesn't stay unscrambled for long, so who knows.

These are little behavior tricks, not a comprehensive plan by any means. I mention that because Ezzo and Bucknam make a good point: it can be tempting to focus on "what" to do about behavior instead of focusing on "why," but the "why" is so important for success in those sticky situations. In addition, Medina's full discussion on the importance of empathy cannot be covered here, but it has changed the tone of many interactions with my toddler and husband. (For more, click here for my book review post.)

Though I am a clumsy, inexperienced first-time mom, I hope some of these translate to your own experience. And of course, please add your own ideas in the comments section.

Fold your hands: I read this in Toddlerwise, and I was like, "What?!...yeah, right." They say when your child starts getting fidgety or poking his/her sib at a restaurant, tell them to fold their hands. Their rationale is that children's energy must go somewhere. Just telling them to "calm down" or "stop" doesn't work because they don't have a constructive place to channel their energy. The act of folding their hands is enough redirection of energy to calm them and allow you to give them a constructive instruction before they spiral out of control. And that's the key. You have to do it early, when you first see the signs, not after they've popped their sib or started full-on whining or thrown the crayons -- especially when you're training them to do it. When you're training them, you have to catch it very early, so you can make it seem like a cool new thing, not a punishment. This is to help them control themselves. It should feel good. I think I taught it to Gavin at about 15 months -- it may have been earlier. I had to demonstrate the folding hands, and help him. He looked down at his hands and was like "cool." Sometimes, I would ask him to look at his hands. Sometimes, if I couldn't redirect him to another activity in a timely way like they suggest, I would sing a song ("Mary had a Little Lamb" was particularly mesmerizing to him at that age), or I would say, "I'm going to count to 10 while I wash these blueberries, and I'll be right with you." This tool is not supposed to be used to keep them still and quiet indefinitely -- just enough of a pause to stop the crazy and give sane one more chance.

Prepare in a matter-of-fact way: I think it was a parent comment in Toddlerwise. A mom said that she prepares her kids to obey by telling them what was going to happen in a matter-of-fact way -- so that when the time to obey comes, it feels to the child(ren) less like an opportunity for a power struggle and more like just-how-things-are. She used the example of being in the mall and telling her kids a few times throughout the trip, "When we leave we're going to stop in the bathroom and go potty," so that by the time they get to that point, they kids were like, "Okay, yeah, that's how it works," rather than "Mommy wants me to do this thing that I don't feel like doing."

Say yes mommy (yes daddy): This was from Toddlerwise, too. Ezzo and Bucknam make a good point. It's really hard for a child to throw a fit after they've said "Yes, Mommy" (not impossible, but...) Like the two prior tips, this one can't be a tool in a power struggle. It has to be used way before that to work as intended. When I first started teaching Gavin to say it, he was talking, but not always on command, so a lot of times (most of the time), he wouldn't actually say it, but I kept it up thinking at least I was laying the groundwork. At the beginning, I found myself making the mistake of only asking him to say in obviously contentious situations or when he already had resisted me. I tried to train myself to use it in all kinds of situations where I was directing him, so that the very act of saying it wouldn't become another point of contention in and of itself. I wanted him saying it to be something pleasant -- a way for me to know that he heard, understood and was ready to obey. I have to say, I really like the way this one has worked. I also have to say, as he has gotten closer to two, he is practicing the art of ignoring me and/or the ability to say "Yes, Mommy" and still complain or try to negotiate.

Offer a choice: This is a classic recommendation for toddlers, and there is a reason. It really helps. Pick up any article on the topic, and you will read "make sure all the choices are acceptable." In other words, no matter what they choose, they are accomplishing your goal (do you want to put your shoes on while on the floor or in your chair?) or you are fine with either (do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?). This helps the toddler feel they have control over something. Don't overuse it, though, and at this age, two options are plenty.

Make it a song: So Gavin, in true toddler form, is opinionated. We both love music, but he's pretty bossy about it. "New song" (translated press skip on Pandora), "just listen" (stop dancing,  Mommy), "just Gavin" (don't repeat my improv, mom), "no no" (don't try to cheer me up with singing). This is what I hear most days. So I was shocked to learn that making unpleasant tasks a song kept working after he became a toddler. It ONLY works with fun, very familiar songs. For Gavin, it's Old MacDonald (his favorite), the "goodbye" song we sing at The Little Gym, Mary had a Little Lamb, maybe a few others. I change the lyrics to fit the activity he is fussing about at the moment (usually diaper, changing clothes, brushing teeth) -- something like "Now we're brushing Gavin's teeth e-i-e-i-o." He may be protesting all my efforts to comfort up to that point, but when I start putting silly words to one of his favorite songs, he just looks at me like, "That's funny, Mom." He can't help himself. I think part of the reason it works is he is just listening to see what I'm going to say in between the e-i-e-i-o's.


Can you...?: I read that with pre-toddlers (and early toddlers), it's all about accomplishment. We all love to see that look on our child's face when they are proud of something they've done. I've found that tapping into that trait when trying to direct behavior really helps. The first time I remember trying it, we were in a public restroom -- one of the places you really don't want your toddler to test you. (What? Don't touch? That sounds fun! Maybe I should also trying lying on the floor.) So I started asking him, "Gavin, can you touch your head? Gavin, do you know where your ears are?" I have to remember to ask it like a challenge, not like a command. It's "can you" and "do you know," not "will you" and "I want you to." Also, I save this one for the important times. I want it to keep working in those public restrooms.

Empathize: There is a much larger discussion to be had on this topic, which is why I highly recommend Brain Rules for Babies by David Medina. Since this is a "tips" blog and not meant to cover child-rearing philosophies, I will keep it simple (and hope you read the book). When correcting Gavin, I have found it so helpful to empathize first. For example, today we were at the park, and it was time to go. He started asking for one more thing (one more slide, one more swing). I said, "I know it's so fun to stay at the park and play (empathy), but now it's time to go eat dinner (consistency)." I could see his defenses drop, and he was on his way to compliance. My empathy helps him feel heard and also validates his feelings. Toddler feelings are very strong, and though often irrational, they are nonetheless very real to the toddler. It's possible the phrase perception is reality has never been more true. Discounting Gavin's feelings by saying things like, "It's not a big deal -- we can come back tomorrow," or "You should be happy we got to come at all," creates a disconnect rather than inspires trust. When I communicate that I understand how Gavin feels before redirecting his behavior, I see a big difference in how he responds. I know that I am also modeling a very important skill for him -- one that I can definitely use more practice at myself. Oh, and lucky me, since he's now two, I think I'm going to have plenty of opportunities to practice!

Milk...it does something...

The post below is complete, and now I'm sitting here trying to think of a creative, interesting way to open it. The more I sit here, the more I realize it is pointless to avoid the fact that this is a very technical post -- meant to be one of those that comes alongside another mom to help. Trying to open in a snazzy way is making me cranky (grin). So...I will just say that if you are looking for cute anecdotes about Gavin, stay tuned. In the meantime, please pass this on to a mom that may find it helpful.

Some of you may remember that we took Gavin off of all dairy in an attempt to reduce or eliminate his breathing issues. Well, it did seem to help with that and also with his sleeping! He went from getting up one or two brief times in the middle of the night (mostly for a re-plug of the pacifier) and also waking early (anywhere from a yucky time like 5 to an acceptable time like 6:30) to not waking at all in the middle of the night and most of the time having a normal wake time (between 6 and 7:30).

When we relayed our experience to his pediatrician, he seemed intrigued but not at all surprised. He said milk can negatively affect digestion, breathing and even the nervous system--any one of which could have been disrupting his sleep. We are thankful that our pediatrician intentionally integrates nutrition into his practice.

When jumping into this non-dairy adventure, I read everything I could about how to help him get enough nutrition without whole milk and found everything from "serve your baby a variety of healthy foods, and he/she will be fine" to recommended quantities of fat, protein, calcium and vitamin D and the best ways to get them. Of course, I jumped full in to the latter...bring on the calculations, checklists and overall obsessing!

Our family is far from perfect in this area, and as with everything, you should definitely check with an expert (disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer), but with all the hard work I've done and great resources I've found, I feel compelled to share.

First, I will share an Excel sheet I created to help me determine how much calcium, fat, and protein Gavin needs at each age. The spreadsheet also contains a list of the major foods we use to get him there with the amounts of each nutrient listed above according to Super Baby Food or the product package itself (if they differed, I used the product package). Second, I will share what a typical day of nutrition might look like for Gavin. I looked everywhere for an example like this and came up with nothing. Like I said, I come at this with no credentials, but I offer this as a starting place for your own researching and planning. Third, I will list my primary sources and how they helped.

Non-Dairy Nutrition Calculator for Children 1 to 3 Years Old
This calculator contains formulas based on nutritional recommendations for children 1 to 3 years old found in the book Super Baby Food. The book itself contains recommendations for children 0-12 months as well. Since this post is particularly for parents who want an alternative to whole milk for their children and since the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends children not drink whole milk before the age of 1 year, I have put only the calculations for that age group to keep things simple.

To download the chart for your own use, just click the link below. You will be taken to an online version of the chart in Google Docs. You cannot edit the chart online, but you can download it from Google Docs onto your computer to complete for your own child. Click here to go to Google Docs to download. (Go to the File Menu in the top left corner and click "download" as Excel or as Open Document.)

A typical day of nutrition for Gavin
At the time of this writing, Gavin is 20 months. Keep in mind that he loves and has always loved his food. So, yes, he does eat all of this happily. If your child resists new foods, remember that most kids must sample something 7-10 times before they develop a taste for it. The important thing is to keep offering it. They don't have to eat an entire serving -- just taste it. When we were introducing tahini to Gavin, we planned to mix it into his cereal. We started with a 1 teaspoon mixed in and he did grimace the first few times. Once he was used to that small amount, we slowly worked up to a tablespoon. He gobbles it down now.

With each meal or snack, we give Gavin almond milk fortified with calcium and other vitamins. It has twice as much calcium as cow's milk but it's not the primary source of his fat or protein, so I'm not insane about him getting a certain number of ounces, but he usually has about 12-15 ounces in a day.

Breakfast: Some kind of berries and another kind of fruit usually blueberries and mango or strawberries and peaches. Also, his beloved Cheerios(R).
Morning snack: 1/2 piece whole wheat bread (you'll need to check the ingredients if you are eliminating all dairy - some contain whey) with almond butter (about 1T), a small amount of blackstrap molasses and usually either crushed pineapple, sliced banana or applesauce to help the almond butter go down. Also, some kind of fruit cut into bite-sized pieces or applesauce if we're out and about.
Lunch: 1 egg (hardboiled or scrambled), Green veggie like kale or broccoli (about 2T), beans (about 2T), 1 small orange or 1/2 of a large one.
Afternoon snack: Earth's Best oatmeal or Dr. Sears multi-grain cereal (3T) with 1T tahini (raw) and 
1-1/2 T wheat germ mixed with coconut milk (about 3 oz or to the right consistency). We used to also give an orange veggie like carrots or sweet potatoes, but recently I increased the cereal and saved the orange veggie for dinner. Mostly to make it easier for me -- especially when we're out.
Dinner: Meat or fish (about 2 ounces), orange veggie like carrots or sweet potatoes or winter squash (about 2T), sometimes tomato (about 1T), avocado (1/6 of a small one), 1/2 piece of bread. Recently, I've been concerned about making sure he's getting enough healthy fats, so I let him dip his bread in olive oil with Italian herbs sprinkled in. He loves it, and it is super cute to watch him dip and listen to him try to say olive oil.

This is just an example. We certainly deviate in one way or another most days, and like I said, we are far from perfect, so I would love to hear your suggestions. Just leave a comment below.

Sources that were helpful to me
This post would not exist without the book Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. It covers nutrition for infants through toddlers, and even though I didn't start reading it until Gavin graduated from purees to finger foods, I cannot overstate its usefulness to me. My favorite features are:

• A breakdown of how much of the major nutrients a child needs at each age.
• A list of almost every fruit and vegetable you can think of and its primary nutrients and preparation tips.
• A list of vitamins and minerals and the foods that are highest in them.
• A list of super baby enhancers (things you can easily add to cereal or sandwiches to boost nutrition).
• Nutrient table with baby-sized portions.
• An example of what a-day-in-the-life of her baby's diet looked like (I looked everywhere for this online).

The Super Baby Food Diet is lacto-ovo-vegetarian (milk, eggs, veggies, grains). Gavin does eat a little meat, but no dairy, so I was not able to carbon-copy this diet for him, but the resources were a huge help in me piecing together our own thing. (The book does have a chapter on meat for those choosing that route and does not hate on meat-eaters.)

Another resource that was helpful to me was an article called, "Is Milk Really Good for Our Children?" With studies quoted from the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Sciences and the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, I found the information helpful. Just keep in mind, the list of calcium sources may or may not be listed in baby-sized portions.

For questions about foods not on my chart or in your other sources, you can use Self's Nutrition Data. Just make sure you are adjusting for baby-sized portions.

Final thoughts: If you have questions about this, I recommend you ask your pediatrician. If you have a question about the chart or our approach with Gavin, please ask it in the comment section below, and I will address it to the best of my ability.

Just a Moment-o Please

A large part of the great thing about having kids rests in the little things. The things that maybe no one else would notice (unless they are with your kids hours upon hours) and if they did notice, they surely wouldn't think those "things" are as adorable or as significant you do.

My life is full of these little things, and I've been using a great app for capturing those little moments (who has time for a full-fledged journal?!) It is appropriately named Momento (by d3i for iPhone and iPad). This app allows you to record anything you want to remember and tag it (if you want), so you can find like items. (In my case, tags are simple: talking, walking, family, playtime...) You can also import feeds from your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or a dozen more online accounts, so that your "diary" is all in one place. The things you write directly into Momento can stay private, which is great because I am in love with my boy, but even I don't think that the whole world wants to know when he starts to say the word egg like "egk" instead of "agk." I don't pretend to be a tech review gal, so I'll just say it does lots of other cool stuff, and it's worth looking into. (It was runner up for Apple App of the Year in 2011...so it's quite possible that you all have been using it for months.)

Here are a couple of those little things that I've enjoyed in the past week:

• When Bob Marley's "Is This Love" came on, Gavin started grooving in perfect rhythm, and looked at me like, "I love this song," though he had never heard it before.
• When we were at a playdate, he had just finished putting all of the Duplo Legos back in the bucket, and a little friend came over a took a few out and started placing them on the floor. He watched her and looked down at each Lego like, "I just put those away..."
• He has started blowing kisses and saying "mwah" or "mah" as he does.

There are lots of little things, and I'm happy to say, they make my life very big.

March: In like a Lion, Out like a Lion

March was a whirlwind with lots of milestones and many challenges, evidenced by the fact that I am posting about it in the middle of April...

The challenges:

• In the second week, my milk started decreasing more and more each day, and Gavin (14 months at the time) eventually decided it wasn't worth it, and on his lead we dropped that final nursing session (which had been first thing in the morning). However, even though it was led by him, I can't help but think that in some ways, he may not have been emotionally ready. The day after he weaned himself is when the nap problems (below) really escalated and also started affecting bed time. Poor guy. It's tough to be a baby/toddler!
• The sleep problems actually started when he was 13 months (February) with the throwing of the pacifier (and the subsequent crying due to no longer having the pacifier) and escalated to fussing through entire nap times and then finally morphed into crying as soon as mommy left the room for nap time or bed time (that was a special trick reserved for mommy -- not daddy, aunts or grandmas). It was enough to make me batty!! Especially since we thought we had taught him to fall asleep on his own pretty well. There haven't been many things on this parenting journey so far -- with the exception of him refusing to nurse at 5-6 months due to acid reflux -- that have made me feel so helpless, so distraught and so angry. Not at him necessarily, just angry about the helpless feeling and whole situation in general.
• At the end of March, we made a trip to the ER and were admitted to the PICU for two nights when Gavin got a cold that settled in his lungs causing wheezing, retracting and even a tiny part of his lung to collapse. We had seen the pediatrician earlier that day, but despite the treatments she gave us to do at home, it kept getting worse and worse. I am so thankful for the quality care we received from her and at the hospital. As often happens when we are in situations like this, my heart goes out and my prayers go up for those moms and dads caring for children with chronic illnesses or disabilities.

The resolutions:

• Weaning: Once Gavin was still going strong with nursing at a year, I thought he might want to continue until he was 18 months, which I read is when most babies start to "self-wean." I was surprised that he wanted to stop at 14.5 months, but I was fine with it. I was relieved that it was directed by him and that I did not get any plugged ducts due to the weaning.
• Sleeping: I couldn't be more serious when I say praise the Lord that the sleep problems seems to turning into sleep successes! Laying him down for naps is almost always a non-issue, though the naps remain shorter than they are for most kids his age. He is waking less at night (zero times last night, once the night before) and sleeping later without coaxing. This was a hard, hard challenge that I am not ready to write about in full detail. According to what I found in my research, a lot of kids have sleep problems that crop up at 13 months and then resolve themselves at 14 months. However, his sleep problems didn't resolve themselves. I practically got a degree in "baby sleep" by reading, researching and talking to other moms. Josh and I both worked very hard to implement what we felt were the right solutions. A trusted friend who is busy with four kids of her own took the time to coach me through it, and I am so thankful. And though there was the hard work and the friends and the theories -- all so important -- in the end, it was so plain to me that it was God's mercy that finally made things click. It wasn't so much that we had the magic formula. It was that God showered his grace on our desperate and clumsy requests for help. He is so good. And when we had our first breakthrough (much sooner than predicted), I couldn't stop thinking of the word "mercy." I found Psalm 28:6-9 and kept reading it and thanking Him. It says, "Blessed be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. The Lord is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed. Oh, save your people and bless your heritage! Be their shepherd and carry them forever."
• Breathing (and sleeping): Again, I am praising the Lord that in the two weeks since we took Gavin off of his at-home breathing treatments (at doctor's direction), we've only needed to use them one time. One thing we are in the middle of testing right now is whether he is sensitive to milk. If he is, that might be contributing to his breathing problems. A different trusted friend mentioned Gavin's breathing problems to her doctor (D.C., A.C.N.), who suggested that dairy might be the culprit. He said that kids sometimes can have chronic breathing problems and ear infections if they are sensitive to milk. My husband wanted to talk with Gavin's pediatrician (M.D.) before we went completely off of milk (though we did start mixing half dairy milk and half almond milk to get him used to the taste, just in case). During Gavin's 15-month check-up a few days later, the doctor actually brought up the possibility of a milk sensitivity before we had a chance to. We told him that we were wondering the same thing, and he encouraged us to take him off of it and see what happened. I told him that we had been mixing half and half, and that it seemed to be helping and that Gavin even seemed to be sleeping better at night. The doctor agreed that better sleeping could be because we reduced the amount of dairy milk we were giving him. He said it could have been waking him by messing with his digestion, his sinuses/allergies or even his neuro-receptors (he said that recent research had revealed that milk could mess with neurological function, but I didn't get any sources or anything). As I mentioned above, the nighttime sleep is dramatically better. Before I might have had to get up two or three times in the middle of the night to give him his pacifier. Then around 5:30 or 6:00 a.m., he would stir and need me every 20-40 minutes, until 7. Lately, there have been zero to one night wakings and very few early mornings. Thank you, Lord!!! Of course, with our sample size of one, I can't say if it's due to switching the milk, that he grew out of it, or something else. But for now, we are keeping him off of dairy milk and turning thankful hearts toward the Lord. Oh, and I am also getting yet another degree (Master's level) in "how to make sure baby gets enough calcium, fat, vitamin D and protein when he is not drinking milk." Actually our pediatrician didn't seem concerned. He said a healthy diet, a good multi-vitamin and soy or almond milk should be sufficient, but of course, I had already begun studying like mad before we met with him about it -- a fact that anyone interested in the topic will benefit from in a blog post that will be coming soon.

 The milestones:

• First steps (March 5)
• First tooth (mid-March)
• Okay, so he is not ahead of his class when it comes to walking or toothing, but he is talking up a storm, which is SO much fun. He has too many words to list them all, but the cutest ones are:
• Nose (very drawn out and nasal-sounding while he points to your nose with this cute look on his face). Also, toes and teeth, though we sometimes have to remind him what teeth are called. He will point to them and then look at us like, "Ummm..." We will say it, and then he'll smile and say, "Deeth."
• Mango (sounds like nngo) 
  
• Home (sounds like Hum). Since he was tiny, I would say, "Here we are at home, honey," whenever we pulled into the driveway. About a week or so ago, he started saying "home" when we would pull into the driveway, but now he says it as we approach the house while still in the street. He has the most serene smile as he says it and makes eye contact with me through the mirror above his rear-facing car seat. Melts my heart.

• We also joined a play group and a mommy-and-me class at The Little Gym. Not milestones, so much, but he is loving the interaction and fun, new activities.

We are humbled and thankful that God was with us as March was roared like a lion right to the very end and that he has been bringing resolution to so many things this month. We are blessed and humbled at the support, suggestions, empathy and prayers of countless family members and friends.